With Cherry On Top

Silliman University 2012-2013 Cultural Season

2012-01-29T16:44:00.000+08:00

the key

2012-01-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

The key to having it all is to stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.

The Abs Challenge

2012-01-19T17:45:00.000+08:00

My friend and I signed ourselves up for this robust venture we call "The Abs Challenge". A 90-day challenge to hit the gym and follow a strict diet regimen to get that six-pack abs in 90 days. This isn't audacity since we've been gym buffs for quite some time now however we just couldn't get ourselves to really be extra serious in our workout programs and have that deep 6-pack abs we always wanted. Thus, the birth of The Abs Challenge which we hope will serve as a threshold not just to look good, but to a healthier and longer life as well.

The deal - To hit the gym at least four times a week, create a diet regimen that suits our body types, less alcohol (drink only once a month), and get that perfect abs by the end of April.

Day 1, January 19, 2011, back, biceps, and abs day.

The Program:

*Warm Up
*Back Exercises:
1. Wide Lateral Pull-Ups (body weight with 10 lbs plate), Done three times
2. Close Grip Pull-Ups (Body weight with 15 lbs plate), Done three times
3. One-arm dumbell side pulls (using 50 - 70 lbs dumbell), Done three times
*Biceps Exercises:
1. Concentration Curls (using 20 - 25 lbs dumbell), Done three times
2. Incline dumbell curl (using 35 lbs dumbell), Done three times
3. Hammer curl (using 25 lbs dumbell), Done three times
*Abs Exercises:
1. Incline crunches (with 20 lbs plate), 6 sets, 25-30 crunches/set
2. Flat crunches, 3 sets, 100 crunches/set
3. Flat leg-raises, 3 sets, 30-35 leg raises/set

The After-6 Diet:

*Breakfast - 4 eggs, 3 slices of Spam, One and a half cup of rice
*Lunch - Lean Beef steak, One and a half cup of rice, one banana
*Dinner (Before 6 pm) - 3 medium-sized fried fish, one cup veggies, one cup rice, one banana
*Before Bedtime - One and a half glasses of low-fat/high calcium/high protein fresh milk, one ripe mango, one banana

Thoughts and More Thoughts

2012-01-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

If mangoes, bananas, oranges, are Dumaguete's signature fruits, then its signature sound is the rumbling of motorcycles. It seems that all day, every single day, thousands of people are getting hurt as if manslaughter's happening every time the sand dial changes course and worse, the whole city has to hear about it. But what about the wounds, injuries, and agonies that don't usually get a buzz? What happens to them? - Whether you stumble off a sidewalk on your way to work, or falling into a hole in the street, or possibly falling back in love. How dangerous can an open heart get? My heart was, yet again, open on the first two quarters of last year. On the second half, it shifted course. It was a shift imperceptible to anyone but me. And I knew my heart closed again. Maybe it would reopen in another five years or maybe it wouldn't. But I knew my self well enough to know that that's not enough. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like crying or desperate to have someone to tag along to a journey that usually just ends into a pile of mess. Maybe, I finally have come to terms with my past because no matter how bad my past experiences in love were, I still hold the sole responsibility to make my life a better one. As what Oprah Winfrey said, "You are responsible for your life. It doesn't matter what your father did to you, It doesn't matter what anyone else did to you. You are responsible for your life."

Right Decisions

2012-01-17T16:25:00.000+08:00

(This sotry appears in Ben Patterson's book Waiting [InterVarsity, 1991])

A young man was appointed to the presidency of a bank at the tender age of thirty-two. The promotion was far beyond his wildest dreams and very frightening to him, so he went to the venerable old chairman of the borad to ask for advice on how to become a good bank president.

"What is the most important thing for me to do as a new president?" he asked the older man.

"Make right decisions," was the gentleman's terse answer.

The young man thought about that for a moment and said, "Thank you very much; that is very helpful. But can you be a bit more specific? How do i make right decisions?"

The wise old man answered, "Experience."

Exasperated, the young president said, "But sir, that is why I'm here. I don't have the experience I need to make right decisions. How do i get experience?"

"Wrong decisions," came the old man's reply.

Oprah's Wisdom

2012-01-13T17:57:00.002+08:00

It's Friday and I spent the entire afternoon at the gym atrociously working out my back, abs, and biceps... Now of course, I'm dead-tired. So instead of writing a whole bunch of crap about love which I'm sure all of you have had enough of, let me, instead, leave you, my readers (if there are any), with this life changing insight from Oprah which I quoted out of her one-hour speech at the "Oprah Winfrey Show's" finale episode to guide you through this difficult journey of life, and for you to take comfort from when you feel the whole world's beating up your belief system -

"‎You are worthy because you are born. You are worthy because you are here. Your being alive makes worthiness your birth right. You alone are enough," Oprah Winfrey

Forgive and Forget?

2012-01-11T16:02:00.002+08:00

When I was twelve, I couldn't wait until I was sixteen so that i could live on my own in a boarding house. Once I was sixteen, I couldn't wait until I was eighteen to get a driver's license. I wanted to be considered an adult and make some ambitious, relevant contribution to society. When I reached eighteen, I couldn't wait to turn twenty one and start working. When I was a child, I always wanted to be able to do things on my own and be legal. I am now twenty-five years old, and I wish that I could be a child again. I look back and feel that I grew up too quickly, and fell deeply in love in an age where real love seems impossible to ever occur.

Things went pretty nasty and after three long fruitless years riding on what it seemed to be the longest roller coaster ride, today, I got to thinking about my past relationship, yet again... and plastic surgery. Two seemingly different ideas that might be just perfect together like milk and Oreo. Think how much easier it would all be if there was some swift surgical procedure to whisk away all the ugly memories and mistakes and leave only the fun trips and special holidays, or perhaps totally erase what's past without a single hint it ever happened. But until that day finally arrives, what to do? Should I just rely on the same old needle point philosophy of forgive and forget? And even if I can manage the forgiveness, has any ever really conquered the forgetness? Can we ever really forgive if we can't forget?

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

2012-01-07T02:32:00.000+08:00

I wasn't ready. But it hit me out of nowhere and I fell, fell so deeply. It tore me apart. It was like stepping on to a land mine that blows you up and shreds you to pieces. I must admit it wasn’t that easy to cope with such great despair and despondency. I never thought I could get over it after all the bitterness and remorse. But I've come to terms with what happened. The greatest wound may have healed, but the most evident of all scars is left. All I’m keeping right now are the lessons it taught and the gears it gave just in case love would hit me again. Otherwise, I’m not gonna be able to bounce back when reality batters my belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all.

When you try to think about that strange and peculiar feeling called love in your past, you may view it as a failure. But, as what all of my friends say, when you find a new one, you eventually view the past as a teacher of some sort. Yes, sometimes it's like a game, more of like a chess match about moves and counter moves all designed to keep your oponent off balanced... but in this game we call love, it doesn't really matter who wins or who loses. What's important is you know when to hold on and when to let go.

You know you love someone when all you could ever wish is for him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you're not part of it. But nevertheless, as what we always say, everything happens for the best, everything happens for a reason. If the person you love doesn't feel the same way, don't be afraid to try and love someone else again because you'll never know unless you give it a shot. Take the risk because you'll never get to love a person unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you dont get hurt, you can't have the chance to appreciate love's rarity, even worse, you will never learn how to love. But Love doesnt hurt all the time though the hurting will alwayst be present to test you, to make you stronger , and to help you grow. Dont find love, let love find you. That`s why its called falling in love because you dont force yourself to fall. You just fall... You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing.

The greatest irony of life is probably this - letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, on the other hand, it takes some time to heal to climb up your feet and get back on the horse. But never do the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk failure. But we all must take risks because the greatest threat in this life is to risk nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvment. To expose your feelings is to expose one's true self. To love is to risk not to be loved in return. And if you find the courage to risk, make sure to aquaint your self with the dynamics of love - fall but not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that lasts a lifetime. Yes, It's true that Love's supposed to be the most magnificent, exciting, and wonderful feeling. But sadly, oftentimes, the things that give us joy can also hurt us at the end of the day. Loving someone means giving the person a freedom to choose to be where he chooses to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that those were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

I sure know from my experience in love that it is probobly the most agonizing and the most painful risk to take, but such risk must be taken no matter how painful it gets, bacause only then you get to experience love's wonders. It is only love that can hurt your heart and soul, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you`re not ready to cry, if you`re not ready to take the risk, if you`re not ready to feel the pain, then you`re not ready to fall in love.

What is Love?

2012-01-07T00:55:00.000+08:00

This part right here is for my dear friend Jello, who, i think is madly in love with someone. hihihihihi

What is love? well, it's that first clutch you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.

Love...

- When someone loves you, the way he says your name is different.
- You know that your name is safe in his mouth.
- Love is when you think of that person every single day, sometimes unconsciously.
- Love is when you realize that you've suddenly become a better person because of him.
- Love is when you give him your most valuable possession as a sorry gift for a quarrel you've caused.
- Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
- Love is obsession.
- Love is a gift.
- Love is passion.
- Love is when you find him the most attractive of all men even if he's really not.
- Love is when you find his flaws OK.
- Love is when someone hurts you... and you get so mad but can't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings.
- Love is when you're standing in the most beautiful place you've ever been, seeing the most breathtaking view on earth and wished that you're seeing it with him.
- Love is when you txt him in his dreams.
- Love is when you want to spend the holidays with him.
- Love is when you're starting to write a bunch of poems.
- Love is when you don't get bored sitting beside him for hours even without a single word spoken.
- Love is when you're in a mall and you can't help but buy something for him.
- Love is when he's part of your future plans.
- Love is when hurting him is the least thing you could possibly do.
- Love is when he holds your hand in a bus, on an airplane, on a boat, while you're traveling.
- Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
- Love is when you're ready to give it all up just to be with him.
- Love is when my mother makes coffee for my father and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
- Love is when you find time to see the person even on your busiest day.
- Love is when you kiss all the time. And even after you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk some more.
- If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who hates you.
- Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no.
- love is when you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared he
won't love you anymore and you get surprised because not only does he
still love you, he loves you even more.
- Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
- Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they've know each other so well.
- Love is when mama gives papa the best piece of chicken.
- Love is when you see your partner all sweaty and smelly yet you still think he's handsomer than Brad Pitt.
- When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come
out of you.
- Love makes you sweat a lot.
and lastly,
- Love is when my friend's grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So her grandfather did it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.
- Love hurts.
- Love is letting go.
- Love is sacrifice.
- Love can be broken, but it won't die.

Heartbeat

2012-01-06T19:32:00.000+08:00

If it's true, never let it go. If you feel that it's right, never over do. - A thought I had after reading my blog posts in 2008. sigh...

To the Year that Was

2012-01-04T01:05:00.003+08:00

I must admit that I owe much of my at peace heart to 2011, the year that was, for letting me dig deep into my innermost entity and find the "me" I thought I lost for the longest time. 2011, i realized that I don't exactly need someone to love me as much so i could find a way to love my self as well. And it was 2011 that made my vision towards relationships vivid, and for 365 days I got to think about its wavering drifts. There are those that surprises you and open you up for something unusual and exotic, there are those that are venerable and familiar, those that fire up tons of questions, those that take you somewhere surprising, those that bring you a long way from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most amazing, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with your self. And if you find someone to love the "you" you love, well, consider it a consolation.

To the year that was, thank you very much.

DELETE

2012-01-02T16:03:00.001+08:00

When my dreams get weirder and weirder, I take advantage of the comfort my cozy room never fails to donate. And when your past tends to penetrate in the wonders of your slumber, you just have to delete the details.

A Birthday Greeting from Mara

2012-01-02T13:01:00.002+08:00

amay. Aiken.
where do i begin?
from amba where it all began,
to masscom,
to weekly,
to the bums...
to infinity and beyond?

most bums have got all our circles intercepting at several points, but it is only you and I who have painting and exercise with baby john together. who've got big brother house escapades together. who lived on nanay's prokchop and halang2 first before everyone else discovered it.

i remember beer with cherry on top together (with Angel and Xander, of course) and coco amigos with the power rangers and those endless, endless hayahay dances. i remember red horse with the cambagroy gang and snickering over jolens (jolens ba to?) latest love letter for me.

it is you whom i called bemoaning the loss of my wallet, ATMs and what's left of my allowance (a thousand years ago). and it was you who wordlessly handed me a wallet (with 2 crisp P100 bills inside) with a wordless smile.

it is you who laughs at my latest idiocy (whether losing yet another phone, wallet or myself) with such gregarious hilarity you'd think i did it for the entertainment value.

it is you whom i called and told about my pregnancy and without a trace of mirth told me, 'wala jud ko nalipay ani mar'. because you tell me what i need to hear, not what
i want to hear.

...and then of course, there was jun-jun.

ken. you know i love you. i don't what life would've been like without having met you.
this is late, i know. but it's not my fault you were born on Christmas when people tend to get too preoccupied to remember other people were born on this date too :P

miss you!!!

xoxo
Mara Ug Si Kaela

PS
i have lost so many cellphones, i honestly can't remember how many there'd been. i lost so many other things over the years too. the bums know too well. but ever since you gave me that wallet, i've never lost another one :D

maybe its time you gave me a cell phone too? wahahahaha

Japan's Original

2011-12-23T19:56:00.001+08:00

I have once again been introduced to a new kind of art which does not require any special skill in drawing called Etegami. Etegami is an original Japanese folk art done in post cards which comprises the simplest hand-painted drawings accompanied by few germane words. Etegami basically means "picture letter" and what really captured my curiosity and interest is that there are no fixed rules as to how to do such art work, no skill required, or as what one Japanese blogger said, "No practice drawings, no rough drafts... lest you lose that moment of inspiration." Moreover, the whole concept of Etegami is consummated when the artist posts the card and sends it to someone.

I couldn't be more ecstatic to post the works of Ai Shimizu, my student in English, for everyone to see such a unique form of Japanes Art.

Shimizu said, "ETEGAMI is... E is 'drawing' or 'painting' in Japanese. TEGAMI is 'letter' in Japanese. So ETegami is a 'letter with drawing', as you can see. Usually we draw Etegami in postcards (the paper is 'Japanese Paper', they are easy to bleed, so it makes works unique!). And we use the paint 'Gansai', which is a hard cube and we use water to dissolve it. That's why you can see bleed-like painting style in Etegami!"

"The poorer skill of drawing you have, the better your Etegami is. This is the Etegami style. You do not need special skill of drawing. You can draw anything," she added.

Here are some of Ai's works accompanied by her own explanation and English translations.

English translation: "Everybody is waiting for Christmas!"

Actually the model of cat is our cat Kil, who is waitin' 4 Christmas...maybe...!?

English translation: "Let's go out into the town sparkling in platinum!"

I described "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" as he would take us to the wonderland of Christmas.

English Translation: "Year in, Year out, I envision lots of things, eating a sweet apple."

The other day grandma sent us a box of apples as a Year-end gift, which are so sweet and crispy! To tell thanks to grandma, I drew this and sent it to her.
Thank you grandma, we will see you soon X)

English Translation: "Happy, Delightful, Year-end mode!"

First, I was almost about to throw this work away, because I couldn't describe Santa Claus as I thought. Then I hit upon an idea that I should feel free to draw and paint it, if I throw it away at all.
Now it's been alright, although you may notice the modified line...ha-ha! It turned into one of my favorites.

Food for the Soul

2011-12-21T01:58:00.003+08:00

I have had the privilege to meet Sanae Yoshikawa, an exceptional Japanese artist who happened to be my student in English. I was caught hostage by her sophisticated style she put on her paintings which of course contained an enormous and unbelievable depth. I couldn't resist but showcase her works for all my friends and blog readers to see. And when I asked her if she could send me descriptions on these three paintings, she was kind enough to abide. Enjoy.

Forgiveness 2009 (Oil on Canvas, 40×30 inches)

I believe that an effective way to help you release the stored trauma which comes from any form of fierce suffering and experiences you have had in past times, is forgiveness. Even if you can’t erase the memory of the reason of the trauma, your broken heart will be deeply healed by accepting your profound sorrow which was stored unconsciously and by forgiving your soul to be free from a horrible spell of the past.

過去に受けた壮絶な苦しみによって、心に巣食ってしまったトラウマから自分自身を救う方法の一つが「許し」である。トラウマの原因となった記憶を消すことはできなくとも、その心に根ざす深い悲しみを受け入れ、自己の魂が過去の呪縛から解放されることを許すことによって深い癒しを導くことが出来る。

Despairing Anguish (Oil on Canvas, 40×30 inches)

When you lie down with ultimate anguish and can't help stop breath-stop crying, it might be similar to that your mind is burned alive. A feeling of extravagating in the endless darkness will be pulled by an invisible thing from behind and submerge to a ground nadir.

筆舌に尽くせない苦悩をかかえて横たわる時、息も尽くせぬほどの慟哭を止められない時、あたかもそれは心が生きたまま火あぶりにされることと似ているのかも知れない。出口のない暗闇を彷徨い続ける感覚は、見えない何かに後ろから引っ張られ、そして地底深くに埋もれていく。

Significant Leap Forward (Oil on Canvas, 30×24 inches)

A reborn soul will be emancipated and move up to the next stage

再生した魂は元いた場所から開放され、次のステージへと勢い良く上昇を遂げる。

**Should you want to see all of her art works, you can visit her website at: http://www.sanaeyoshikawa.jp/artwork.html

BLOG TIMEOUT

2011-12-18T11:34:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, Central Visayas was hit buy a massive typhoon which flooded the whole of Negros Oriental/CDO/Iligan. As a result, hundreds of homes were lost and more than five hundred people died (as of 2 p.m. December 18, 2011). May all those who lost their homes find comfort in God's most holy name and may the dead rest in peace.

Thoughts and More Thoughts

2011-12-13T16:35:00.006+08:00

Six months after i resigned from my previous job in Makati, I used to think this city welcomes and shelters the tired, the poor, the persecuted who have been forced to leave their homes at the whim of the ruling class... - and so i thought. I also used to think those people who workout in the gym were pretentious posers. But then i realized they're people who have recently moved in a relationship and people who have yet to move on from a terrible breakup. As I was having my last biceps exercise this afternoon and looked around, I wondered how many of them were people who likes to keep ex's out of their lives like my self. Yes, the hard thing about fighting in relationships, there's no referee. There's no one to tell you which comments are bellow the belt, or when to go to your separate corners. As a result, breakup is usually what happens and someone usually gets hurt. And it seems that when an ex gets closer and the more stuff you guys still share up to date, the harder it is to figure and lay out why you don't wanna befriend him/her.

And here I was, a 25-year old single guy with no financial security but many life experiences behind me. Did that mean nothing? After all, heartbreak and breakups are the hardest kind of work. So shouldn't there be some credit for enduring them? And if not, how do you retain a sense of value when you have nothing concrete to show for it because at the end of yet another failed relationship, when all you have are war rooms, self doubt, and disgust towards an ex, you have to wonder what's it all worth.

Because I Got Annoyed

2011-12-11T17:32:00.022+08:00

For most students who are not from Dumaguete, the city is not exactly the center of the civilized world. But for privileged few, Dumaguete is the perfect place to indulge your time with good old friends in a fashionable rustic Dumaguete homes. Three hours from the time i woke up, excruciating hangover, and massive hung overs from our 5th-year annual 58th Street Christmas party, I finally found a topic to write about. My past relationship yet again. This is so because someone somehow lost his creative schemes in plotting my assassination. I on the other hand, an illusive target, have found this little game a little annoying. I am still thinking on how to make this person feel that this silly thing he's been up to is nonsense and is going nowhere. If there's anything he expects to come about as a result of his folly quest, that would be a bitter pill and one huge chunk of disappointment.

From my past experiences on dysfunctional relationships, i came to realize that relationships, no matter how good are inevitably a series of uncomfortable compromises. But how much of our selves should we be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being our selves? In a relationship, when does the art of compromise becomes compromising?

So many roads, so many detours. So many choices, so many mistakes. Unfortunately, I am one of those who have chosen the difficult way in the road often traveled by vulnerable hearts. But yes, I have learned from my mistakes. As we drive along the roads of life and love, occasionally we find ourselves a little lost. And when that happens, we just have to let go of the "if's", Buckle up, forgive but don't forget, keep going and never look back as we speed along to our destinations.

Episodes Yet Again

2011-12-09T14:22:00.010+08:00

I woke up this afternoon (yes, i'm a night owl, sleeping at 5 and waking up at 2) with a text from a friend saying she ran into an ex along the oddest street of Dumaguete whom she had the best relationship by far and i came to thinking how a very small city like Dumaguete with a population of 133,470 can be a terrifying place, and nothing is more frightening than the prospect of running into an ex before you've even had your first meal of the day. That place is definitely haunted; old lovers, ex boyfriends/girlfriends, high school mortal enemies, forgotten f**** buddies, anyone you have unresolved issues with that you are bound to run into again and again until you resolve them. My relationship with IT was long dead but with one germane text, the person was suddenly a presence in my life again. Or had IT been there all along? - like all these things IT gave or the single letter IT wrote that i could never bring my self to shred. When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost? Or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?

Don't Call a Judge's Ruling an Opinion

2011-12-08T01:52:00.003+08:00

Judge Marilyn Millian of "The People's Court" flips out on defendant after this moronic law student had the audacity to call her (the judge's) ruling as an opinion. Calling a court judge's ruling an opinion is probably the biggest mistake a law student could ever commit. Look at how Judge Millian nailed down this dumb, ignorant future lawyer of Florida.

Sporting a Narcissus

2011-12-07T02:28:00.018+08:00

This afternoon when the first thing i saw on Facebook was this unattractive slash disturbing photo album filled with close up face photos of a Facebook "friend", I got to thinking about Narcissus. A man so consumed with his own image that he drowned in it. Did he have no friends to mirror back a healthy review of himself? And why is it that we can see our friends perfectly but when it comes to ourselves, we just can't seem to do it no matter how hard we look? Is it because we are so preoccupied meddling others businesses that we often forget to attend our's? Or is it because we don't give our selves enough time to reflect? Maybe we all need a little (forgive me for the inappropriate verb) "Narcissing" to do, spend a little time on our own, and try to look hard enough and good enough at our very own reflections.

A Win-Win Situation

2011-12-07T00:29:00.005+08:00

As I was ransacking my mother's collection of magazines from all the countries she's been to, i came into a very interesting piece about "lambing" in the beautiful, green hills of New Zealand, a country known for its sheep industry. During the yearly lambing season, thousands of cute baby lambs are born. Unfortunately, some lambs can't make it to see the world because they die at birth. Many mother sheep are also lost during lambing season, they die at birth. In a desperate attempt to save the orphaned lambs, the shepherds match baby lambs who have lost their mothers with mother sheep who have lost their lambs. It's not as easy as it sounds because a mother sheep won't accept a lamb and nurse it unless it is her own. Now you might ask how then do shepherds get a mother sheep to accept an orphaned lamb as her own? The process, said one of the shepherds Nick (Who looks darn cute in the picture lol), is as old as shepherding itself. The mother's own lamb, which has died, is skinned, and the skin of the dead lamb is then draped over the living lamb as it is placed by the adoptive mother's side. The mother sheep then smells the skin and accepts the orphaned lamb as her own. Interesting isn't it? I mean, Nick. lol

The Blind Date

2011-12-06T14:44:00.008+08:00

Though I haven't really signed my self up for a bind date yet, the rules are pretty simple. You will be told to meet your blind date in a particular place, and you'd be equipped with a hodgepodge of details of probably how the person looks and the clothes he'd/she'd possibly wear. But then of course the "hustler" would then tell you how hot your date is bla bla bla, but you really can't be sure can you? (And don't you think it is unlikely for a hot girl/guy to go into blind dates?) Anyhoo, of course you'd approach, introduce your self weather you find the stranger standing in front of you attractive or not, and presto! The date starts from then on... either you get doomed, or live happily ever after.

But for those who want to play it safe, here's a funny story of how to reject a blind date without sounding a little rude and perhaps might save you from the "you're a complete ash hole" impression. Or... whatever. This one's for you.

Since he was a little shy when he was in high school, He didn't ask many girls out on dates. So his friend came up to him one day and said, "Hey, I've lined you up with a great date for Saturday night. It's all set."

"Who is it?" he asked. It turned out to be his cousin Doris. He had never met her. In fact, he had never met any girl named Doris. "Oh, no," he said, "I'm not going on a blind date."

"Hey, don't worry about this one," his friend said. "Doris is a terrific girl. And trust me, she's a real looker. But if you don't believe me, I'll tell you how to get out of the date if you don't like the way she looks. This is what I do: I go to a girl's front door to pick her up, and when she opens the door, I check her out. If I like what I see, then great, we're all set. But if she's ugly, I fake an asthma attack. I go 'Aaaaagggghhhh!' Hold your throat like you're having trouble breathing. The girl asks, 'What's wrong?' And I say, 'It's my asthma." And so we have to call off the date. Just like that. No problem."

"Well, I don't know... but ok, it sounds easy enough. I'll do it," He said.

So he went to pick up Doris, knocked on the door, and she came to the front door. He took a look at her, and to his surprise, his friend was right. She was beautiful! He stood there not knowing exactly what to say.

She took one look at him and went, "Aaaaahhhggggg!"

Philippine Romance Novels

2011-12-05T15:02:00.004+08:00

Romance novels have always been out in the market for decades and I must admit that each time I find my self in a bookstore, i just walk pass the shelf where these treasures are being put. I may not have the interest to peruse through their pages back then, but I sure know that behind the printed words and alluring covers are great individuals with brilliant minds who in the realm of Phillipine literature, have not been given the ample recognition they deserve. But this post isn't about rhetoric rants. This is to encourage every book enthusiasts to take time in looking at the Philippine Romance's shelf in that bookstore and start uncovering "hidden" literary treasures written by our exceptional Filipino writers. I am certainly lucky to have met one of these esteemed romance writers Ms. Georgette Gonzales (with "Edith Joaquin" as her by line) a couple of years back in Dumaguete and since then, my outlook towards her craft has been amplified to a level of immense appreciation and respect. I have always been a catalyst of culture preservation and by this, the support we give to our local artists plays a vital role. These individuals who devote their lives in continuing what is truly our own hold a crucial part in our quest to preserve our culture.

To end this post, lemme just say, READ EDITH JOAQUIN y'all!!!

Beauty and the Beast

2011-12-05T03:30:00.003+08:00

Do you remember the gripping scene in the animated Disney film Beauty and the Beast when the beast was about to confess his love to Belle? Cogsworth looked on with euphoric anticipation, for if Belle pledged her love to the beast, presto! The spell that hung over the castle like a dark, dank cloud of doom would finally be over. As she clasped hands with the beast, Belle asked permission to gaze into the magical mirror in order to see her father. Viewing her father in obvious distress, she dropped the mirror and gasped at his plight. "I've got to go to him,' she sobbed. "Go to him, then," responded the beast. Those four words spoke volumes. Cogsworth later walked into the room with an air of triumphant expectancy as he declared to the Beast, "I must say that things are going swimmingly." All hope vanished into thin air, however, when the beast uttured the most significant line in the film. "I let her go," he confessed to his enchanted little clock. As the reality of those words sunk in, Cogsworth shook himself and asked, "You did what?" Can you imagine the impact of the Beast's admission? To let her go was to plunge his kingdom into another season of a cursed existence. To let her go meant that he forfeited his last, best chance of ever being loved. But he let her go. Why? "I had to," he said. "I love her." The beast understood that a lover does not hold the object of his love hostage to his possessive grasp. :)

Inspiring Speech of Zach Wahls

2011-12-01T16:09:00.001+08:00

Good evening Mr. Chairman, my name is Zack Wahls. I'm a 6th generation Iowan and an Engineering student at the University of Iowa, and i was raised by two women. My biological mom Terry told her grandparents that she was pregnant that the artificial incimination had worked and they wouldn't even acknowledge it. It actually was untill i was born (indesipherable word) to my infantile cuteness that they broke down and told her that they were thrilled to have another grandson. Unfortunately neither of them lived to see her marry her partner Jacky who of 15 years when they wed in 2009. My younger sister, my only sibling was born in 1994. We actually have the same donor so we're full siblings which is really cool for me. Umm, you know, and I guess the point is that our family really isn't so different from any other Iowa family. You know, when i'm home we'd go to church together, we eat dinner, we'd go on vacations, uhh but you know we have our hard times too, we'd get into fights, umm, you know, actually my mom Terry was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2000. It is a devastating desease that put her in a wheel chair. So, we had our struggles. But, you know, we are Iowans. We don't expect anyone to solve our problems for us. We fight our own battles. We just hope for equal treatment from our government. Being a student of the University of Iowa the topic of same-sex marriage comes up quite frequently in class room discussions. You know, and the question always come down to, well, can gays even raise kids? And the question, you know, the conversation gets quiet for a moment because most people don't really have an answer . And then I raise my hand and say actually I was raised by a gay couple and I'm doing pretty well. Scoring with a 99 percentile on the SAT, I'm actually an Eagle Scout, i operate my own small business. If i was your son Mr. chair, I believe I'd make you very proud. I'm not really so different from any of your children. My family really isn't so different from yours. After all your family doesn't derive its sense of word from being told by the state, "You're married! Congratulations!". No, the sense of family comes from the commitment we make to each other, to work to the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones that come from the love that binds us. That's what makes a family. So what you're voting here isn't to change us. It's not to change our family. It is to change how the law views us, how the law treats us. You are voting for the first time in the history of our state to codify discrimination into our constitution. A constitution that but (indesipherable word) is the least ammended constitution in the United States of America. You telling Iowans that some among you are second class citizens who do not have the right to marry the person you love. So will this vote affect my family? Or would it affect yours? In the next two hours I'm sure we're going to hear plenty of testimony about how damaging having gay parents is on kids. But my 19 years, not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that i was raised by a gay couple. And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character. Thank you very much.

To A New Season

2011-11-30T02:01:00.003+08:00

The scorching heat of humid days

pierced through the city smug,

trapped into the hazy cloud of dust

from the rumblings of engines and tires

finally into my depths.

Of confusion, I let it in ironically.

After all, the tragic has to come

in one way or another

The rose’ cold, feebled by the strength of words -

departure.

Numb, soon it’ll rest eternally

Under the catacombs of my entity’s resent

Day by day it loses its grip

A petal is left however

Unless the warmth is over,

survival may have its chance

Yet the season still hasn’t howled its final rage

and the last cry would be forgotten.

The scorching heat of humid days

dwells a sweeping killer sound

for a moment now, but not tomorrow

in a day of drizzle –

that, to grow once more

and open another bud.

Questions

2011-11-29T02:18:00.004+08:00

Lately, i started to get uneasy and restless about the thought of relationships or maybe i'm just being bored and single. Once we've found what we're searching for, why does some of us reluctant to let go of our single selves? Is single life in this peculiar world such a constant flurry of fun and friends that having a thought to get things back with that person immediately fills us with the urge to shake things up again? And why does becoming part of a couple implies heartaches and broken trusts like what just happened to "the perfect couple" (sorry for including them oo) KC and Piolo? Maybe all of us does have the key and that we shouldn't really expect to get everything from one person, but instead, feel comfortable getting different things from different people. Although at what point do separate interests become separate ways?

Episodes Again.

2011-11-29T02:10:00.004+08:00

When a relationship breaks up, there are numerous ways to cope; you can cry, you can get drunk, or as what i did, dive in to a new routine. Go out with friends as long as you can drink, and smoke. On a crisis, people always tell you to listen to your gut. Mine, however, was telling me to go and have some drink and smoke. But i decided not to throw it all away. I will not let my self be defeated by this "episodes" thing.

Episodes

2011-11-29T00:22:00.001+08:00

Since I promised to update my blog at least once or twice a week, I would exhaust everything that's left in my interest to write about my self. It's been quite a while since i wrote a thing about my not so interesting life and yes, I think it's just about time to start "scribbling" a new one. First of all, In my utmost desperation to find the true meaning of love (no matter how cliche it may seem), after exactly two years and 11 abominably excruciating months, I realized how I could have saved the effort when the answer I've searched for all these years was just lying around the corner of my bedroom. Now i would not dare to let everyone know the details, but yes, i found it. And no, it's not a fairy tale. I came to a conclusion that love does die... but only for those situations where it (love) isn't the greatest. You wake up one morning able to just go on with the day without even noticing it. But there is that one BIG love which you can't get away from. The more you ignore, the more persistent it gets in haunting you.

BOXING MATCH AND FILIPINO PRIDE

2011-11-13T15:25:00.003+08:00

my good friend commented:

"I still stand beside my own... Pacman won... Now pacquiao has the upper hand being hand champion, a close decision is not enough to take the belt away from the champion. ofcourse mexicans will think they were robbed. are you mexiacan? just be proud to be pinoy for once..."

my response:

" oh i couldn't be prouder to be pinoy friend :) the question of pride, patriotism or the love of our country on that matter is irrelevant to even mention it in this thread. just because i'm disappointed by a boxing match decision does not, or will never be a measure of my respect to our culture. If we base our pride to just a boxing match, then shame on us. we have so much to share, so much to show, so much to be proud of than JUST WINNING A BOXING MATCH. - sorry. this is coming from someone who spent most of his college and post college life educating his fellowmen how rich their culture is... someone who's trying to straighten Filipino's mindset on their depleted outlook towards their own culture. BOw. hahaha"

Because Aldrin Got Drunk

2011-09-15T14:12:00.004+08:00

(written by my good law school friend Aldrin Ledres after what he thought was a wasted "maoy" night. Mind you, he didn't even make a single scene... but he's equally quilty. LOL)

friends and countrymen, i would like to extend my apologies for my behaviour tonight..i know im kinda tipsy because of all the tequila but i took time to write this message b4 you would all come up with the wrong impression about me

ok so mao ni akong i.apologize: to ate mich: thank you for the invite sa imong party which of course nalingaw ko due to the conversations and the food and the magic of modern science known as tequila..sorry for the behaviour nko which is mang.bara kang leigh ky i was acting on self defense of my pride ky g.hilabtan man ko.it was purely for retaliation purposes ky i will not stand by and allow someone na barahon ko just like that in front my friends...again i apologize for my behaviour maski i know for a fact na kita tanan nka-inom...but with all due respect n.appreciate nko na g.invite ko nmo and i really enjoyed tonight with all of u present sa party

to aiken: dude i know she's ur friend and all but pls do consider the negative sides abt a person.sure maski ako naa pud negative sides na im sure m.notice pud ninyo all the time..i know mas mu.favor gyud mo sa isa over the other but before u do, pls tanawa pud ang 2 sides of the story..dli man ako ang type na mu.appeal to pity lang coz i ddnt win the kevs award for nothing but since i consider u all as my friends and persons i trust, maybe its up to you lang na mu.decide after ninyo mu.hear sa 2 sides of the story..just dont hate me for being neutral over their break up..open minded lang ko abt ana nila ky 1) i dont care 2) dli na mka.apekto sa akong pg.stay sa LAWSU 3) read number 1

to behv and kuya roy: basin wala rka k.notice sa akong behaviour gabii pero ill come clean..yes.constant akong pg.ignore/bara kang lei given if hilabtan ko na wala ko ng-hilabot nya.i will not deny the fact na friends bya gud ta tanan maski lets say panagsa ra mg.abot ang wavelength sa atong mga utok pro i will not stand by and allow someone na barahon ko and make me look like the bad guy in front of u all maski i know na nka.inom ta tanan..

to all na lng para mas madali: we take sides bya gud..and i know mas mu.favor mo nya.im not saying mas ni.favor ko kang SC given na brod me and all pro BOTH sides have a story to tell.im not saying one is more credible than the other, all i can say is both have issues gyud..its just i dont trust any of their sides gyud.what im saying is before mo m.consider sa side sa isa, try and see lang the side of the other and after ana draw ur conclusions....

im not saying ako ang good guy 2nyt ky 1) wala ko nanghilabot 2) my pang.bara is for retaliation purposes lang 3) maski diay baye xa pwede ra xa mang.bara sa taong iyang "g.dumtan"when all i ever did is being a judge on my own world lang..i gather as much intel both from muy2's side and from her, after ana i draw a conclusion based s on what i heard and mu.birada pud ko on them both since im not entirely good as what the world percieves me to be

anyway..let the world percieve the events as it is.clerle...again excuse my behaviour and selfish nature for not liking her for the reason that i just dont,thats all..i have my reasons man pud but i guess thats just me and it doesnt affect anything..

gudnight and enjoy the sleep inducing capabilities of the tequila by ate mich.peace out

Because I can't Believe He's Now Married and Getting Ready for a Child, thus a repost.

2011-09-14T11:58:00.003+08:00

AN HOUR AND A HALF WITH RONNIE "KUYA RONNIE" MIRABUENA

There he was, lying in the middle of the wide room that seemed to have lived forever. Alone, his eyes wandered, flew along the 15-meter vertical clearance and eventually ended on top of the sturdy ceiling the room donated. The floor seemed to have dreaded for decades of existence yet the breath of what has been the purpose was still alive. He glared still while the rhythmic sound of Mozart soared along the wide breathing space and set out through those wide and majestic exits. The staircases that had been abandoned and left by time leading to the dressing rooms and shower rooms went back to history where they have been consistently used and being stepped on by ballet and toe shoes. The feet that have once made use and scratched the room floor of dancing was immortal. Colorful costumes of Philippine dances hung on the sides waiting to be used and exposed on stages. It was as if he was hugged by the art the room contained. There was peace in his mind. There was amazement how the room helped him so much.

The late afternoon dew, the yellow orange clouds the sunset brought were now out of sight. He stood up, stretched, checked his watch, it was now 7 pm. He went his way to the stage door; the sudden flush of cold air the air conditioner brought gave goose bumps to his body. He felt the stage came to its usual busy before-the-show-thrills. As he stepped on the center stage, he felt the rush of things. It was nearly curtain time. He faced the 923 soon-to-be-filled sitting capacity of the audience area were the ushers and usherettes were getting ready for the open house. He glanced back at the stage and found everything to their right places; the curtains, the black legs, the props, and the dancers were already at the sides warming up. He looked at his watch, it was 7’30. It’s show time. He took a deep breath and called the dancers on stage.

It wasn’t until two years ago when this dance teacher from the Philippine High School for the Arts (PHSA) in Los Banos Laguna came in Silliman University and helped the dance studio go back to where it has become 8 years ago.
This 5 foot 2, sun-kissed complexioned lad who appears short and quite thin for his imposing physique, who has a black, clean cut, semi-prickly hair and someone who has acquired the features of a typical petite, young-looking male Filipino, Mr. Ronnie Bruzola Mirabuena happens to be the Artistic Director of the S.U. Kahayad Dance Troupe.

“It was summer of 2004, I was an assistant teacher then at the PHSA… Mrs. Swyline de Jesus called me, informing me that Silliman needs an instructor… At first I was hesitant. I was afraid rin siguro to leave my comfort zone. Kasi my friends were in Manila, yung family ko at siyempre major adjustment na rin. Pero sabi ko nga, parang you are called by God to do His will ba. I think God’s calling yun for me to work here in Silliman,” he said with his naturally confident smile and glare and an aura of a strong-willed man which is contrary to what he actually looks like. He admits that at first, he didn’t want to pursue teaching here in Dumaguete City. It wasn’t really a choice that he picked. Rather, it was more like testing the waters.

“I was hesitant to accept the offer because I considered Dumaguete as very far from Manila and wala akong alam about Dumaguete, and even Silliman. Talagang wala akong alam noon about the place.”

Yet he pushed through longing for something significant – the need to preserve the Philippine culture through dances inside the minds of the corrupted psyche of the people in the modern world.

Today, I found my way to the Luce Auditorium without having breakfast. The typical morning mist the rain has left, once again lingered through the pathways and as I walk through the path, I wonder how simple this man remains despite all things he has achieved in his career. As I walk ahead of my schoolmates who are rushing for their classes, I speculated how this man usually starts his day.

“I usually wake up at 8 a.m. I start the day with a prayer kahit gaano lang kaikli. My day won’t be complete without coffee, too. I cook my own breakfast,” he prides himself.

I remember how this man shared bits of his life during the usual coffee hours with a few dance troupe members. Kuya Ronnie, as he is fondly called by dance troupers, was born to Mrs. Azucena Mirabuena and Mr. Henry Mirabuena, a native of Atimonan, Quezon, on November 24, 1976 in Polangui, Albay.

“Actually my father is of Chinese descent. Ang real family name ng father ko ay ‘Tang’. Kaya lang he later changed it for some reasons. Hindi lang siguro halata sa hitsura ko. Pero mga kapatid ko mga singkit ang mata. I got most of my features from my mom,” he shared.

Kuya Ronnie has an older brother named Gilberto and a younger sister named Grace. During the initial talks I had with him, I also came to an ironic observation that caught my attention. Both Kuya Ronnie’s siblings had their names start in letter G. Obviously he had letter R as first letter. It might be because he’s the middle child. Eventually I asked him if he had an idea why his parents named him Ronnie.

“I have no idea why ‘Ronnie’. Wala akong alam. Trip lang siguro ng mga magulang ko. O di kaya’y ampon lang nila ako,” he said laughing.

I thought this man’s secret of looking younger than his age might be because of his astonishing sense of humor. And this secret of slowing down the aging process is evident in his juvenile looks. I thought.

Nevertheless, growing old might still be an issue. Among the three of them, he’s the only one who remained unmarried. When asked about his reaction on his being much available up to this day, the 29-year old said, “I believe He’ll give the best for me. He’s teaching me to be more patient I think. Hindi pa Niya ako nakikitang kontento, yun bang contentment ko sa pag-serve ko sa Kanya… I’m working on that.” Besides being teased by time in considerable solitude, he didn’t lose hope in finding the right person. “I value relationship or commitment as a testimony. Parang I consider it as a testimony that you are following God’s will. Siguro, when it happens, it just happens,” he perceived with a little smile that wrinkled his face. It is plain to see that this man in the face of all his lighthearted gestures is serious on his commitment to God.

As I ransacked his resume, I was stunned how this man managed to put his feet on the ground. A Ship for South East Asian Youth Program (SSEAYP) delegate in 2004, he was one of the 28 deserving Filipino youth and national leaders to represent the country in Japan. Among his international exposures also include the 2002 Myanmar Art youth Camp, International Folklore Festival in Italy (1999), Centennial U.S. Tour in San Francisco California in 1998, International Youth Camp in South Korea (1997), a Cultural Visit in Brunei (1994), etc… etc… I dug in. How on earth was he able to maintain the low-profile point.

“My parents separated when I was still a one year old. My mom had to work in Manila, so I had to live with my grandmom including my brother and sister,” he recalled. Kuya Ronnie was reunited again with his dad when he was already five years old.
But unlike most cases, he never felt any hatred towards his father.

“Noong nangyari yun, parang wala lang. kahit na nakilala lang namin siya through the pictures lang na nakikita namin, nothing was so bad about it.”
Surprisingly, he was always in good terms with his dad.

“Well dahil nga separated, we had a single mom, talagang mahirap kami. I experienced yung using oil lamps lang while studying kasi walang kuryente. Kasi may time rin na nasunugan kami noon, yung old house ng lola ko na maganda, it was big,” he evoked.

“Sa Bacacay, there were several houses na natirhan namin after that incident. Palipat-lipat talaga kami ng tirahan. It was a very painful experience.”

My question was nearly answered. Kuya Ronnie eventually had gone through almost everything life has to offer.

“Noon rin, pag wala na talagang makain, rice na lang with a bit of salt. Kaya pag may padala si mama, parang fiesta. My lola would treat us with her sinigang na baboy plus yung pale pink na bagoong, ihalo sa rice with kalamansi. And saya naming nun.” In the process, he shared that he also ventured in selling native delicacies during weekends.

“naglalako ako noon ng mga kakanin at ice candy para lang makatulong sa tita ko, sister ng mom ko. Kasi yung lupa kung saan ang bahay ng lola ko ay nasunog, binili ng pamilya ng tita ko. Talagang ang hirap nun, kaya nga siguro hindi na ako lumaki.” He exclaimed with a faint sigh. “Those things na napagdaanan ko made me realize that nothing is permanent. Kaya bakit naman ako mag boast? All things just come and go. I should put my feet always on the ground.”

For nearly three years of being the Artistic Director of the S.U. Kahayag Dance Troupe, he has conquered the world of impossibilities – seven short months after the troupe’s revival, he made a full length dance concert and two more major concerts followed, he brought the group to perform in various cities and municipalities around Negros island, a year after the troupe’s first concert, he carried the group to the Cultural Center of the Philippines and made the troupe perform together with top folkloric dance troupes the Philippines had, and months after, he exposed S.U. Kahayag to the international arena and brought them to Macao China for the Tenth International Youth Dance Festival. I wondered how he was able to do this so quickly he answered, “I read the bible. Favorite ko yung Proverbs chapter 3 verses 5 to 6. It talks about committing yourself to God. Do not rely on your own understanding. Without Him, you can’t do impossible things. With God’s help, palaging ganyan.” I asked him then if he ever pushes his limits on the impossible things.

“I acknowledge that I am a hard-working person, but I also know my weaknesses. It’s how you give your best. Well I do my best pero pag alam ko nang hindi ko na kaya, hindi na. We should acknowledge our weaknesses so that we’ll not end up being miserable pag hindi natin nakuya yung gusto natin. Pag nagkasakit ka, lagot ka,” he jokes. “It’s not me who does these things. It’s actually the members of Kahayag. I am only there to teach and they do the actions na. And we always perform for God. Not for ourselves, not just for the audience, but for Him. Because He’s the one who gave us this talent so there’s no way we’re not gonna turn and offer this talent back to him.”

Entering the Dane Studio that situated at the rear façade of the Luce Auditorium seemed a regular part of his morning rituals for two and a half years now. I asked him then how it feels. “I was impressed nitong studio. I’ve always been telling the dancers that they are really blessed to have this kind of studio na vary spacious. You’ll really get motivated to dance everytime you get inside this studio.
In the interior of the studio already hung several sealed concert porters that manifested the troupe’s journey sine 2004. Silliman had just earlier celebrated the troupe’s China experience of representing the country in the Tenth International Youth Dance Festival held in Macao. Putting this man as mainly the one accountable is a certainty not ordinary people would be confronted with.

“Ano lang siguro, again I. Siempre I’m happy sa mga accomplishments ng troupe. It’s been my commitment din kasi to God, to our country and to others na as much as possible my life would be used or to become a blessing them. Kung ano yung mga ginagawa ko dito, it’s part of my commitment.”

Kuya Ronnie never failed in his academic responsibilities as a kid. He was a consistent first honor in his class standings from grades 1 to 5 and graduated valedictorian in his elementary years. Notwithstanding the face that no one was there as a personal tutor or simply someone a baffled kid would go to whenever a major quiz in Math is approaching, “I was on my own, talagang sariling kayod.”
The Philippine High School for the Arts where Kuya Ronnie developed his dancing prowess is in Los Banos, Laguna and is located in the lush crest of Mt. Makiling. He was one of five grade six students in his batch that qualified for the scholarship in such government-cherished institution. And just like the hard times in elementary, high school wasn’t much of a difference.

“Grabe yung schedule namin. We attended general education classes in the morning then sa afternoon yung training naman naming sa Arts, yung major ko Dance. Pag gabi typical rehearsal.”

High expectations, high spirits, whatever you call it laid pressure in Kuya Ronnie’s demeanor in his high school days.

“People really look up to us. We had a program for outreach performances, may invitations rin from provinces. But the most challenging was to put up a dance production sa CCP (Cultural Center of the Philippines).”

Because Kuya Ronnie majored in Dance, it was a prerequisite for him to put up a cultural show before he graduated. Quite a credit for a sixteen year old. Imagine, it was in CCP.

After graduating, he landed his first job back in his alma mater.
“Mr. Victor Flor, yung nagging teacher ko rin sa Philippine High School for the Arts, invited me to teach there. So I taught dance theories and of course folk dances from 1998-2004. That was my first ever and previous job before coming here in Silliman.”

A year after the troupe’s revival, there were rumors inside the dance studio that Kuya Ronnie wouldn’t stay long and wouldn’t continue teaching here in Silliman and that he would just wait till the pioneering group would graduate and he would then be out of Silliman. As I asked about his steady stay in Silliman for almost three years now, Kuya Ronnie seemed divinely dictated to stay for long.

“So far so good. I love the place, I’m enjoying. It gives me joy to impart something to my students. It’s a nice feeling that you’re doing God’s will ba. If you would ask me kung ano yung calling na yun, it would be very difficult kasi you have to discern kung ano yung ibig sabihin nun.”

Does staying here for good also part of God’s will?

“As of now, no definite plans yet. I’m happy pa naman being here. I think I’m motivated pa rin naman to continue handling the troupe. It would depend on God pa rin kung where he would lead me, kung ano yung next mission ko”

Not letting ourselves getting into exhaustion with serious matters, I asked Kuya Ronnie reveal his top three childlike cravings. This instant had both of us burst into laughing to the utmost heights of our veins.

“Mga smiley products, items or stuff. Smiley na mug, pin or pencil. I have this collection. Then of course basketball, despite the face that I am not gifted with height,” we laughed even harder. “Nature lover rin ako. Kasi I was raised in the province. Ang naririnig mo mga kulilig. Siguro yung inclination ko rin sa dance. You get to get to experience dancing mimetic dances.”

For almost three years of being a dancer under the directorship of Kuya Ronnie, I noticed something different about him. His style in training dance seemed different from other choreographers. He is deep when it comes to this matter.

“Dance is not merely about learning the physical or psychomotor movement. Dapat you should look for a deeper meaning why you are dancing, it’s an art form which you could use to promote something significant to the society. Dancers should see to it that they have this mission. Is it just to put you in the limelight? I don’t think so. Kasi for me, I’m using this field, I use this art as an instrument for social change. Art is a very useful instrument for social change. Dance has taught me to be more mindful especially to the marginalized members of the society most especially the indigenous people.”

It was ten minutes before Kuya Ronnie’s normal lunch break. I was as well on the verge of wrapping up the conversation when a closing question popped out. What kind of Kuya Ronnie saunters inside the “end house” whenever rehearsals are already through at night?

“Well I go with you guys for dinner. When I go home and if I’m not sleepy yet, I watch television, I read some books. Ano pa bang mga silly things na ginagawa ko?” he snigger. One thing has been true enough through all these years, he confessed, “I’m not a party person.”

When the honest day’s work is over, Kuya Ronnie finally lay down on his bed yet still occupied with tranquil visions surrounding this boundless passion for his hosen craft and of the life he has made from it. But then again, he doesn’t believe much about dreams. “So far wala pa akong dreams na nagkatotoo. Pero tyada man ang may dreams,” he laughed even harder.

The bell had rang and there we were sitting face to face at the doorstep of what was then called the ballet studio and now revived as the Kahayag Dance Studio. The man I wouldn’t call a mere person with a vague vision in life was in front of me who has just talked about his mission to spread or perhaps revive our culture to people like us, talking about being a teacher, a son, a friend, talking about life.

“Lahat ng yan dahil sa pagsasayaw,” he admitted. “Teachers should go out there, have some coffee with their students, listen to their students, and perhaps teach them the things that contributed to what they have become. They should inspire,” he added.

Students in different walks of life walked passed the Luce Auditorium rushing for a lunch meal. The life that this man has shared to me in that one and a half hour of disclosure was not just some story plotted from a classic teleserye. It was about a man who portrayed brave roles in the real life setting, free from a director’s cut or scripted lines. A grandson, a friend, a God’s confidant, a dancer and ultimately a dance teacher at present have been engraved into one milestone. It’s in the life about pursuing passion in its truest possible terms together with the One who is the giver of all.

I would for all time come home in the dance studio where I met this man. In the hope where I would be seized close by the splendor the real world has to present with great opportunities along my path, I would never in my soul leave what this man gave to us – and that is the life I never thought I could get into. In next to no time, when I come back, I would like to spot him there, lying down on the center of the wooden floor of the dance studio, with Mozart playing on the radio.

Miss Universe Na Ni

2011-09-13T13:11:00.001+08:00

my answer to Supsup's question would be: That would be a very difficult thing to decide. But I BELIEVE in unconditional love. love shouldn't be a question of race or religion on that matter. I won't change my religion because that's where i build my life's foundation in, coming from a country with deep religious roots. That person loved me from the start knowing my religion and it would be unfair of him to ask me to change upon marriage. I, THANK YOU, BOW

Bali Taxi Guide

2011-09-08T00:03:00.000+08:00

Ground transportation is probably one of the most important things to consider when traveling to other cities/countries. Luckily, travelers from all walks of life can easily hail a taxi cab aided by the vast transportation companies that are prowling around the globe today and Bali Indonesia is not an exemption. Bali has quite a number of taxi corporations that provide immense quantity of taxis around so it’s never really much of a hassle for anyone to get from one place to the other. Just by a raise of a hand with a little wave and you’ll have a taxi pick you up and get you to your desired destination.

Bali has a number of taxi companies with distinct names and colors and when you are from the airport, there are airport taxis readily available to bring tourists out to their destination points. It is always reasonable to get a taxi especially when there are more than two travelers because then the amount to be paid per traveler will turn out to be cheaper. Furthermore, it is very convenient to locate these taxis as taxi drivers can easily be spotted in blue shirts. When already inside the city of Bali, it is exceptionally convenient for a tourist to get a taxi as taxis are everywhere.

Main transportation vehicles in bali are 1.) Motorbike; 2.) Taxi; 3.) Tourist shuttle van and bus; 4.) Old public utility vehicle.

To move around Bali especially in the capital denpasar, taxi is the main transportation used by tourists to move around. There are no jeepneys, trains, pedicabs, and poot-poots.

As per latest news, there are only two taxi companies that do business in Bali. And because it's mainly taking routes in the capital area, private taxi are now sprouting in the island mainly in ubud and the capital area (Sanur, Nusa Dua, Jimbaran, Kuta, Legian, Seminyak).

The private taxi drivers have become an iconic pop-culture identity in these areas. They sport trendy clothes and sunnies. They even look like tourists! You see them sitting around next to their vehicle holding a placard with a note 'taxi'. Every time they see tourist walk pass, they shout 'taxi maam/sir' and when a tourist says 'no', they answer 'maybe tomorrow'. The 'maybe tomorrow' expression has become an identity for these drivers.

For a first-time tourist in Bali, it is vitally important to all the time bring small bills and a few coins to avoid not being given irrational change from taxi drivers as this may sometimes be the case when paying in big bills. If the car has a taxi meter, it is also very important that a tourist must insist in using it to get a reasonable rate upon arrival. Also, make it a point that the driver completely and clearly grasps the location point before letting the vehicle start running. If you are familiar to roads going to your destination, it is advisable that you instruct the driver the routes in order to lessen the duration of the travel as local drivers sometimes favors taking the downtown area route which takes longer time.

'twas a gift

2011-08-22T20:43:00.000+08:00

As much as I would want to play my mind around the thought of looking someone who’s, if not better, at par with that you, it’s the moving on part that I really would want to pay attention to. I have loved you so deeply and I can only hope that I would be able to love a person that much again… in His time…

I cry sometimes not because I’m resentful, not because of the thought that the thing we had has reached its end, I cry because of the immense love that I gave you is truly hard and nearly impossible for me to contain again. It was a gift, they say. And after a great gift, it’ll take one person a lifetime to get a hold of the same. But there’s no denying the reality that life must go on… and I just have to live the days as they come, making the most out of every minute.

By Beethoven

2011-06-02T17:25:00.001+08:00

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

My new song

2011-04-12T00:38:00.000+08:00

Love why did you have to go?

Leaving me out so cold

Forgive me if hate you

It’s the only thing that I could do

Forget you it’s impossible

All those years is just too strong

No never let me in to your heart believing

That we could mend this torn pages

Of our life…

You said goodbye to me

You knew it hurt

You walked away from me

I didn’t know where to turn

Coz You’re everything to me

Said, Baby please don’t go.

But you did oh no, just like that.

I never really meant all the blame

You never should’ve believed in them

Coz you knew you’re everything to me

And I would never hurt you so

Oh baby I just don’t understand

All these drama we have always had

Can’t we…..

Slow down….

And start again…

Repeat chorus 2x

STILL HUNGOVER

2011-03-03T11:17:00.002+08:00

Maraming maraming salamat sa mga taong nag comment on the preceding post, after writing a whole lot of responses, ending, dili ma post. ganahan mo? hehe but thanks a bunch for reading. to Spring, i thought you were Angel Amador! lol. Mara, basun maka kita na kag tawo na daghang in common nimo then mag break mo, then magka friends mo. hahahaha. Suthai, CONGRATULATIONS! you must be very friendly! hehehe.... but yeah, you're like the person naman na kanang kuan... kanang easy to befriend with.. noh? hehe

Anyhoo, I'm currently in People Support's Pantry waiting for the results from our Phone assessment. I do hope i passed... :) t'was an easy call kaya lang the headset got pretty darn busted but nonetheless, i'm high-spirited (chos) that i did good (chos) to think i'm still hungover from last night's wild-we-did-not-expect-the-uber-expensive-charges Kareoke extravaganza.

well that's it for now.. hafta go back at the training room. ciao bellas!

FRIENDSHIP

2011-02-27T17:00:00.002+08:00

I feel ecstatic at this instant that finally, after so long, I’ve befriended an X. It’s been 8 months since we parted ways and contained by those times, I felt there’s no superior gratification for me until I get a part of J***’s heart again (Not as a lover though, but as a friend - Someone who I consider as one of my treasured people in this peculiar world). I just want to say thank you and, kidding aside, promise never to annoy you again. Hehe. Here’s to a life-long friendship!

BEWARE!

2011-02-26T15:00:00.002+08:00

It's not big a deal really. but when you find someone noticing your altered behavior towards him/her, you find your self caught in between paranoia and bareness. It's difficult, really. But nonetheless, while i still have the power to suppress this not-a-big-deal-thing, i will, and i'm not just saying this, hold this and guard this with my life (evil laugh inserted). Or, can I? well i don't really have that much choice do I? Yes, i know, i really, and i mean really have to be cautious about this THING coz a bit more spill from the cup means catastrophe. haha

For those who got the drift, one thing - NOH? lol

I promise to update at least once or twice a week

2011-02-20T18:24:00.004+08:00

why? because i don't have a wifi connection, it takes way too much effort to get the sim from my BB and tuck it in Tattoo so let me save the hastle on weekends. There - weekends are the only times i get to be online and check/update anything that needs to be checked/updated.

why promise? because i miss blogging, i miss blog hopping and reading my friends' whereabouts, goin-ons, and what have you... and with this, i'm hopeful that all the BRILLIANT BUMS would do the same. (i miss reading you guys! seriously)

Now, to the life update part, I'm currently in Manila working in a call center somewhere in Makati (company undisclosed) lol. It's not so much of an abandonment to all the years i spent in College plus the almost two-year lawschool craze. Take it as a life-discovery thing where one, as what Jay has said, must go out from his/her comfort zone to know the meaning of life. That's exactly what i'm trying to do and i must say the experience, so far, has been quite a ride. What i'm really trying to say is, i'm in a quest to understanding my world, where really is my life taking me to, and what destiny should i be controlling. Take this as my way of immersing into an unfamiliar world for me to understand my own. CHOS! So far though, everything's falling into the right places and the call center life isn't exactly what they said it would be. It's fun ya'll.

After a long pause, here i go, as what my friend put it, "writing for lost times".

HAPPY VALENTINES

2011-02-13T21:16:00.001+08:00

cheers to those who are in love, those who are heartbroken yet still manage to put a smile on their faces, for our x's who in one way or another gave us a glimpse of what happiness is, to the present (for those who have) who makes you want to put time still, and for the coming, may he/she be the one. HAPPY VALENTINES!

ON HUBER WEBB'S ACQUITTAL

2010-12-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

SU LAW friends facebook comments on my stat with special participation of SULAW Dean, Mikhail Lee Maxino. hehe

Aiken Quipot ‎(Atty. Esto tone) Supposing, webb's alibi is proven false, would it be right to say that such statement would be given much weight to that of the inconsistencies of the evidences presented by the prosecution? Disproved alibi Vs. inconsistent evidence, which should be given a primordial consideration?Zusabel Redulla Digaum ,Joshua Ablong ,Micah Dagaerag ,Michelle Noel Duque i need your brilliance on this matter. hehe

THREAD:

Aiken Quipot behv? chel? karla? terrence? han? kar? anyone ni SULAW? Hehe

Behv Tinapao My thoughts in this matter is: In this case, alibi trumps evidence. Taking note that burden of proof in criminal cases is guilt beyond reasonable doubt. Inconsistent evidence, can not, in anyway prove guilt beyond reasonable doubt. So, despite failure of accused to prove his alibi, he should be acquitted. A window of doubt is enought for his acquittal. The justice system in the Philippines puts great weight to a person's innocence. No one should be convicted for anything less than proof of guilt beyond reasonable doubt. In one of the cases I read before, the court said, that it is better to acquit a guilty person rather than convict an innocent one. But it should not mean that our justice system is very loose. It is up to the prosecutor to prove his case and prove that accused is prove guilty beyond reasonable doubt. The court merely decides based on the merits presented by both sides. :)

Aiken Quipot whewww. Thank you very much for this behv. And yes.. as what we've always been taught, in a criminal case, as what you've said,A window of doubt in enough to acquit an accused. if guilt beyond reasonable doubt cannot be attained, then pasenxa. hehe thanks behv!!

Micah Dagaerag go behv. :

Hannah Bananaa Absent ko pag discuss ni sir ana. :) bitaw, I believe that there are ways of twisting the facts to justify ones answer. There is no exact formula, it's always based on ones appreciation of the facts. While evidence must prove guilt beyondreasonable doubt, when does one actually reach that point. Obviously in this case the courts appreciated the facts in webbs favor only after 15 years. SC rulings are just summaries of the cases, who knows what was actually discussed and presented. I guess we will never know. Merry Xmas nalang ni Webb. After 15 years n jail atleast maka Laag na siya. And to mr visconde, he shouldn't worry, there is the Lords last judgement, and he already knows the truth ;

Aiken Quipot ‎@hanna - hmmm ganahan kos imong gi sulti na, "when does one actually reach that point." After reading the SC's decision noh, i'm starting to lean on Webb's innocence. but anyhoo, merry xmas to the webbs but i still feel sorry for the vizcondes... hope they'd catch the killer really soon. :|

Joshua Ablong I think Behv's erudite explanation has summed it all up. Webb was able to prove his alibi with a US State Department certification (that he was in the US when the whole thing happened), and I find it hard to believe for the US State Department to be capable of bribery on this matter. It taxes the imagination. Unlike Philippine agencies whose reputations are blacker than black, American agencies are more credible and more circumspect in handing out certifications. So far, I have nothing more to add on the matter except that our justice system has failed once again -not because of the SC acquittal "per se"- but because of our justice system's utter failure (police, NBI, DOJ) to identify and apprehend the true perpetrators of the crime and to safeguard the most important piece of the puzzle -the perpetrator's very DNA.

Aiken Quipot ‎@joshua - exactly, exactly, exactly!! Here here!! The DNA couldve solved everything in 1997. And it's frustrating to stomach the fact that it took the courts 15 years to believe that webb was in the US when the crime happened. But at least.. Now..

Aiken Quipot They didn't even consider listening deeoply to what alfaro was NOT saying. They were overwhelmed by the media and d star witness who jumps on the scene after 4 years of sipping shabu to say, hey! I saw what happened! Etc... Etc... Etc... But then again, at least.

Mikhail Lee The decision is bad. Standard of review in appeals is substantial evidence not proof beyond reasonable doubt. That's what happens when basic legal concepts are either forgotten or not learned.

Aiken Quipot ‎@Atty. Mik - thanks for the comment sir... but dont u think the evidences of Mr. Webb in support to his alibi are adequate to support the conclusion?

Mikhail Lee Maybe, but that was already passed upon by the lower court. The trial judge found the evidence for the prosecution more credible beyond reasonable doubt. The task of the reviewing court is simply to detemine if the evidence on record, disregarding any other contradicting eidence is substantial enough to warrant the judgment on review. If so, then the reviewing court must affirm. The reviewing court cannot act like it is trying the case again and weigh the evidence because the trial court was in a better position to do that. The trial court, not the reviewing court, was able to observe the witnesses, hear their testimonies firat hand, notice their demeanor, their body language, reactions, etc.

But personally, just basing on the majority decision (for the complete records might tell a different story), I don't think the accused had a good alibi. He should have presented his passport because only his passport could show the complete story of his travels.

Michelle Noel Duque I agree with Sir Mik, remember reading that the Supreme Court is not a trier of facts,generally it doesnt have to re examine the facts weighed upon already by the lower court. besides the acquittal comes too soon after Biong's release. I personally feel Biong's being released was to test the public reaction. There is obviously something wrong here :(

Joshua Ablong For the sake of debate allow me to differ. But isn't it also equally true that the SC may actually go into the facts of the case if only to attain the ends of substantial justice? In this case, a very important piece of the puzzle deprived Webb of the opportunity to prove his innocence i.e. when the DNA found of one of the victims got lost.

Aiken Quipot I agree with Joshua. I also think that the SC has well evaluated and assessed the case on appeal based on substantial evidence. it's just that the prosecution, their so called witnesses, just didn't correlate. one statement on one witness just didn't have a connection to the other and in many instances their testimonies are extremely inconsistent. so if we base it on substantial evidence, their (prosecution) presentations cannot really support the conclusions of the lower courts. So i still have to lean towards the SC's decision.

Aiken Quipot ‎...and i believe that these are recorded evidences in which the SC reviewed and solely based their decision on.

My Dear Old Silliman

2010-07-28T02:44:00.004+08:00

My towering fascination to this school dates back way before I took my first stroll on its hallways. Nothing beats the view of a cornucopia of students – the greatly intellectual ones, student bums who in spite of their brilliance chose to stay extra long in college (which I probably would fall into this category), there’s the “average student” whose goal is to get over school with nothing but passing-rate grades (they are the ones who ironically look uber laidback despite the university’s cruel demands), and of course the “hoppers” (overly intellectual people who hops from one course to another, and to another, and to another because they would most likely fit in to all but constrained by money and time). This is just one of the million things how Silliman ultimately, in one way or another awed me and captured every bit of my system.

While my column refers to “My Dear Old Sillimn”, allow me to stretch the roll a little longer by bringing up the things I miss about this school the most.

Shorts and Slippers. In my so called “career” as a Campus Ambassador way back in college, there’s no dying of the fact that aside from how the school actually look like the most desirable place to study, shorts and slippers get most of the compliments and utmost respect from the thousands of visitors (foreign visitors, alumni, exchange students, teachers, students from various universities in the country) I’ve toured around the campus. Maybe the thought of wearing such outfit and still show excellence in class is some what a boon. But yes, although it’s been said many times in many ways, Silliman’s identity lives in such an outfit. To quote Ian Casocot, “I actually found it liberating before when I can go to my classes wearing only slippers and shorts. I don't do those anymore, but I felt that was very silliman.”

I remember in a Freshmen Orientation years ago where a video of a man completely dressed up in suit and tie saying “Welcome to Silliman…” and then later on strips off his clothes only with shorts, t-shirt, and slippers left on and said “This is Silliman!” In my optimism, I do wish it would remain that way.

The Cottages. These are the cute native cottages you see around the campus. But these are not just another old wooden house you frequently see everywhere. They hold a very crucial part in Silliman’s outstanding historical background. Take the “End House” near the Carson Hall for example. This cottage was built by Albert Fourot, a teacher in Silliman School of Music who devoted his life in teaching music to aspiring musicians. He’s also the founder of the “Men’s Glee Club”. “End House” was a haven for artists with enough room for art exhibits and a reasonable-sized stage to hold small music recitals. There’s also the “Missionary Home” located beside Nutrition and Dietetics building, originally the dwelling of one of the world's pioneer in Science Research particularly on Myrmecology Dr. James W. Chapman and his wife Ethel and children. It’s heart-wrenching not to see such momentous house anymore. The cottage has lately been demolished to give way for the construction of the main building of the College of Nursing.

The Freedom Wall. As a theatre artist in college who hikes nightly from the school gate to Woodward Little Theatre and back, It has for all time been good to pass by and see the freedom wall knowing its significance in campus and its matchless tradition to the Doltz Hall residents.

Moses Joshua Atega said on his Facebook, “I am proud of the tradition of how one would earn a space on the Freedom Wall. A graduating Doltz Big Brother would select from his small brothers, the one chosen would then show the design to his Big Bro before its finally announced as the successor. It's a bond of brotherhood: the show of care for the small brother. Sometimes both the Big and the Small bros would decide to share the space with the small brother's commitment to protect the space in all four years of his existence in college. It's all awesome to witness how some would gather extra coins from room to room for them to have money to buy the expensive concrete paints and brushes…” , “One small bro tried to offer me 1k just for him to be assured of a space, I decided to give him my space without taking his money. I wanted it to be his way of healing from the unnoticed need for attention. I see the colors as screams of unheard voices.

Today, the Freedom Wall stands nothing but an empty white wall, dreadfully stripped from its long-preserved legacy. Though the university has its reasons for erasing the wall, I personally think that erasing such product of tradition is not the solution.

The Old names of buildings. Nothing. I just miss calling Arts and Sciences building as A/S, Oriental Hall as O.H., and so on. But then again, the renaming of buildings is an effort of some sort to preserve the memory of those who served the university. I only hope the university wouldn’t go off board by renaming the amphitheatre into someone else’s name.

The Luce Auditorium. There’s nothing more rewarding than to perform at the Luce Auditorium. Lucky for me, together with the Silliman University Kahayag Dance Troupe and to the number of theatre production teams I’ve worked with, that we were able to get the utmost privilege of performing on the Luce Stage a hundred times. During my interviews for TWS with world-renowned theatre artists, the luce never failed to astonish them with its acoustics. And because of that, Microphones were not even used for theatre plays! However, the recent installation of the new seats busted the theatre’s remarkable acoustics. True, it is undeniable to notice how fabulous the new seats look and how comfortable they are to sit on, it can never replace the grandeur of the old Luce as to acoustics is concerned. During one of my talks with a highly esteemed theatre director Evelyn Aldecoa a couple of years back, she said that a theatre’s acoustic design do not guarantee a perfect acoustic. Great acoustics happen only by accident. And luckily, the Luce got it flawlessly.

But nevertheless, in spite of it all, second to the Cultural Center of the Philippines (CCP), the Luce Auditorium still remains the best Theater in the country and has earned the nomenclature of being the “CCP of the south”.

Frisbee on the east and west quadrangle. Yes, it was refreshing to observe students playing Frisbee on the east and west quadrangle as students enter into the portals of knowledge. It did add to the unique identity of Silliman besides being a university of higher learning in the Philippines, it showed just how holistic the school was. As regard to the ban of Frisbee on those quadrangles, SU Law student and SUSG vice president in _____ said, “the University has good grounds to do so. In addition to the fact that there were incidents of windows being broken, the whole idea of transferring it to other areas in campus is really anchored on the University's move towards preserving the landscape of the two main quadrangles (east and west). No problem with that, because after all, it gives the main quadrangles good ambience. No problem for the frisbee boys/girls as well because after all, they're still allowed to play in some other places.”

Would there be a ban on Frisbee and other sports in cases where frisbee discs for instance and softball balls reach and break windows of the buildings around their new designated fields? What really is the rationale behind the transferring?

These changes made me miss the Silliman that was - The Silliman which I and the rest of the alumni know, and the Silliman which captured my heart way before I took my first step into its halls. To end my piece, I leave everyone the notion of constant reinvention and its downside. Constant reinvention leads to degeneration of the well cared-for legacy. If we continually provide for the future what happens to the past? If only those provisions included preservation of what went beforehand. Remember the past is equally important as the future.

I stand corrected. hehe

2010-05-26T02:55:00.003+08:00

The City of Dumaguete and Bacolod are cozy villages populated with fascinating individuals who all behave like they own the sidewalk. But lately, it seemed as if the entire island of Negros has been magically reduced to only two people – US. For people like us who are dating slash sleeping with someone, exclusivity perhaps is the most “undiscussed” subject. While dating, to me, the idea of seeing more than one person would be like trying to fit another outfit into an overly stuffed suitcase, apparently, millions of people out there are happily dating a number of people at the same time like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And while it is true that men has an innate aversion to monogamy, I thought in a city like Dumaguete and Bacolod, with their infinite possibilities, monogamy became too much to expect. But I was wrong. :)

Thanks to "you". :)

Kuya Ronnie's message to SUKDT

2010-05-09T18:23:00.001+08:00

Kahayag Family, thank you for those who have made the journey of the troupe meaningful and worthwhile! I commend the alumni members for being passionate about dancing and life as well. Padayon mo wherever you are right now. I also acknowledge the present members for doing their part to pursue excellence and leadership being performers and cultural workers. I urge you to find the deeper meaning why you have chosen to be a dancer. Love the troupe even more and do not regard folk dancing as a lesser form of dance expression. You are mistaken if you see it that way! As a covenant, let us continue the tradition of making Kahayag a real family. If one member does not see the relevance of him/her being part of the troupe, I strongly suggest that the best option is to leave the troupe temporarily or for good. Kahayag is a mission and service to humanity! May God bless us!

My Love Story

2010-05-02T20:35:00.000+08:00

About a year and a half ago, I askd my friend Celeste a subject to write about just to fill the blog space for that day and I remember her suggesting something about real love between gay couples - That if we’re talking about commitment, for gay couples, can love be given credit? Or is it just because of anything else? And about a year and half ago, I couldn’t stomach writing about the issue because things were in their usual turmoil as expected.

Since then, I’ve been thinking up ways to actually write my love story. The real score as I call it. When you’re in a relationship, the number of times you would want to write about your story is endless and the chance you get to actually write about it is zero. This is, to me, a natural effect to someone who’s still in a relationship as no one could possibly write something if he, as to ending the piece is concerned, is left clueless. Now my story is done and I know I’m very well braced to put things into writing. However it would take me a lifetime to do that. Let’s just say that it takes a lot to fall in love. I was once a person who didn’t believe in it, was pretty much confident that I could get through life without being hit by THAT. I was young, innocent, careless, just enjoying the days as they passed by, indulged by the company of friends… Life was easy and kind. It went on just fine, it went on smoothly. But then again, no one can, in reality, get away from love. I thought I could be spared but naahhhh love can sometimes be nasty, it surprises you, shocks your system and tears your being apart, and the next thing you know, you’re doomed. Even with my biggest efforts to ignore love, I just wasn’t able to fake it. It hit me out of nowhere. It punched right through my scheme and hit me big time. Then I got confused, frightened of what might be the result so I kept it for a while just to give my self enough convenience and opportunity to think, enough time to weigh things up, and enough time to get stupid. I fell. I fell so deep it got me to the point where I almost forgot who I was.

But my story isn’t just about all the anguish and despair. Though I failed to keep love alive, my experience was jam-packed with precious occurrences, precious times spent together with the one whom I shared such affection and love with. Looking back at all those times, I must say my experience was all worth it.

But every journey has its end. And mine isn’t an exemption. It was a roller coaster ride – full of excitement, ups and downs, twists and turns. But one thing is for sure, love proved its self to me. If love could talk, it would say “you see now aiken? I can happen.” The hell it did! But nothing really is permanent in this world; no one really is completely on your side. Love came to me. It proved my instincts wrong and left shortly after making me realize that. And I am certainly glad to see the positive side of my short acquaintance with love and be able to smile at the end of the day

It’s been a year since I lost the person I genuinely love. Every person who’s ever been dumped (most especially by a person whom you really reallllllly love) would agree that it isn’t that easy to cope with such great despair and despondency. I spent months in isolation, cried barrels of tears, drank litters of vodka, gained weight, enticed war to my sister, did everything just to recuperate such misfortune and tried my best to build all the strength I need to face all of it . Moving on was the most impossible thing I could’ve ever imagined. I never thought I could get over it. I never thought I could get over an ex and be able to really move on and actually befriend him after all the bitterness and remorse. There were times when I dreaded him, afraid that he might have destroyed my ability to believe in hope and love. But time has been such a friend. And now I know why most people say how time heals because it actually healed my whole being from all the emotional turmoil I’ve been through.

That episode in my life has transformed me into a keen, well balanced and perceptive person. Without it, if I’m still devoid from believing in love, my life wouldn’t be as complete as it is now. All I’m keeping right now are the lessons it taught and the gears it gave just in case love would hit my system again. Otherwise, I’m not gonna be able to bounce back when reality batters my belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all.

Aided by my peculiar acquaintance with love, I must say I learned more than what I had to learn - I learned to love, i learned how it is to be heartbroken, i learned all the strategies of coping, i learned to be strong, i learned to move on. I must also say true love can also happen in this distinctively unique world of gays.

**To that person, thank you. (You know who you are). We’ll forever keep our friendship alive.**

I need a cigarette. J

THAT thing

2010-05-01T13:49:00.000+08:00

Last night, I had a peculiarly strange deep yet light conversation with my friend Boen about getting free from the roller coaster ride they call affection and love. And I thought about what it takes to make a relationship really work till “death do us part”. Most singles have more long term success with friends. So maybe it is a better strategy to fall in love with a friend. However, in the absence of one particular thing (which I forbid my self from mentioning), weather that’s the arrangement, or just what happens after a few months, what distinguishes this companion from your many other companions? When it comes to committing, is a relationship, a relationship without THAT thing?

pessimism

2010-04-30T12:49:00.001+08:00

Last night, I thought about “belief”. Maybe it’s not even advisable to be an optimist after reaching the age of 23. Maybe pessimism is something we start applying daily like moisturizers. Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love, does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of? Or is it keeping us alive? What’s the harm in believing?

Brownouts = Election Scare

2010-04-23T16:38:00.004+08:00

Tanjay City – Three major power breakdown occurred in the city today with power blackouts happening in short intervals starting early morning until three in the afternoon. This unusual occurrence of power breakdown has been recorded to be consistently ensuing from the dawn of election period (SCARY). (Not to mention the daily blackouts across Mindanao)

NORECO should present reasonable grounds behind the consistent power breakdowns and furnish justifiable cause that could clarify the root of the incidents aided by the fact that the power supply is generated from a geothermal power system in Brgy Puhagan, Valencia Negros Oriental which obviously cannot be impinged by El Nino phenomenon.

Does the problem really lie on the electricity transmitters? Or is failure of the Automated Election System (AES) evidently presumed? Isn’t this a primer to the May 2010 Failure of election? Will Automated Election result to an Automated Failure of Election?

because i wrote about dgte on the preceding post, hence, a repost

2010-04-21T20:18:00.002+08:00

When you live on a tiny city like Dumaguete, the odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him/her when you look like shit, are even higher. After a break-up, certain streets, locations, even times of day, are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.

along the boulevard

2010-04-21T18:16:00.004+08:00

When you are single and living in Dumaguete, there is no end to the ways to fill your day - Art Exhibits, parks, theaters, the luce, night clubs, and countless restaurants. And one of the most amazing things about living in a city like Dumaguete, is that any night of the week, you can always have, an apple strudel.

Because I have to fill the space for today

2010-04-16T03:38:00.003+08:00

Last night, I got to erase number 3 on my "How about, try these...?" list... and said, "better off not trying."

"Friendship"

2010-04-11T16:16:00.006+08:00

I thought I couldn’t ever solve the equation of what plus what equals friendship with an ex and how is it possible to transform a once passionate love into something that fits nice and easy on to the friendship shelf. Now I know. An urge to txt and an actual txt equals friendship with an ex. But how long can we be friends with our exs? Can friendship with an ex be, in reality, labeled as friendship? Or is it a primer to a new, but deeper and more intimate relationship together? Was Tara right? - If by chance, things will fall into place this time around, will it be better or will it just be the same old ride? A couple of weeks with 0 cigarettes later, I still couldn’t comprehend the idea of befriending the ex. If friendship is the real deal, does it also entail forgiveness for all the heartaches he/she has done to you? Does it mean forgetting all the tears shed and weight you gained after the break-up? And when you finally found the right time to txt, does it really mean friendship? Or is there something concealed behind those messages which denotes wanting a piece of that spice you had when you had him/her? When is enough, enough? And when is friendship, friendship?

again, because i'm watching too much SATC and HIMYM

2010-04-09T00:08:00.001+08:00

I couldn’t help but wonder, Can we just click the “move on” button and be free from the emotional turmoil and live the days as they come? Is there any escape from all the landmines that blows you off to pieces? Can love be ended up just by a single choice?

One year, and a barrel of tears later, I thought it could never happen. But then again, life presents millions of possibilities, countless opportunities… the world could be all yours by picking one single choice and living up with it.

I’m glad I didn’t just click the botton.

because i'm watching too much SATC and HIMYM

2010-04-08T00:54:00.003+08:00

In a relationship, you never get to know your self… not until the final blow. How many blows can we take? How many hits can we stomach in? Is this something we just learned to ignore? Or is it something that we are too stupid to realize? Do we really have to get the big hit for us to know that we deserve more than just that?

so this is me

2010-04-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

I never close a book until i understand all its chapters. nor will i read it again, unless i had a mistake of closing it when i didn't really understand its content.

Dear Friend

2009-12-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

This year has been a roller-coaster ride for me. Some things remained the same as they were before and some things have changed either for the best or the worse... There are times of utmost happiness to treasure, dreadful moments to get wisdom from, new found friendships to celebrate, friendships lost and forgotten, tears of joy shared and sadness that spared tears left to dry through time. I wouldn't have experienced the wonderful memories and survived from the most painful occurrence without real friendship like the one you gave. Thank you for the friendship and for helping me get through it all! Love ya! Advance Happy New Year!

Love, Aiken...

lemme say this big time - LAW SCHOOL!

2009-12-15T02:06:00.001+08:00

In law school, the only chance you get to drool over your favorite pocket book is a nippy glance or if law gets to the point of “lightness”, where Professor/Prosecutor Charina Cortez is in for a season of “good mood”, perhaps, a quick read of the preface pages. And yes, my point, law is tougher than I thought. If this is the way a battle to content has to be struggled, I’m counting myself in.

Law school has always been something out of my reach, to rewind, during those times when life was all about having fun with friends, dancing on big stages of the Luce and the Cultural Center of the Philippines, going to foreign countries with the perfectly dysfunctional members of the Silliman “Kahayag Dance Troupe”, memorizing lines for a role in a theatre play, and binging over beer in good old “El Amigo”. The thought of having a stable purpose in life came to me during a two-month “soul searching” in Thailand, on that one lonely night facing the empty screen of my laptop outside my room in the midst of the exceptional haste of Bangkok under the moonless sky, I came to think about what’s there for me to do in this world and thought:

‘I was once in a swarm of people out there who didn’t have anything in mind aside from enjoying what life was dumping in to the hoard – family, friends, school, family, friends, school, and just that. Studying seriously wasn’t really my kind of thing way back high school and college. It was more like just going to class than really studying. Was I obliged to have an ambition of some sort so as not to suffer this thing that gets most of the people today? Was I supposed to really study and really get out from the scholastic world with flat As on my transcript and as what wanderers say, “graduate with flying colors”? Then… what happens next? At the end of the day it will all be the same. The real world presents nothing but cliché. Nurses will be nurses, med techs will be med techs, engineers will be engineers, journalists will be journalists, lawyers will be lawyers, and the list goes on from there and stops when nothing really comes along but call centers (why not?). A professional friend of mine once said, "My profession is my life, my calling, this is what i do to live and survive, and so to many others out there." Or is it? For years of peeping on other people’s lives in the real world, I question if life really has a deep meaning to take into account aided by the fact that a fresh graduate or any other person just have to take advantage of whatever jobs there is to survive? Is it true that life has no meaning after all aside from the barrage of meanings people put into it? – a work and a pay check bi-monthly, as for artists, show the world how art can move people’s outlooks, live the day like it’s the last for the adventurers? Maybe. Maybe this is what life is all about. If not, I don’t know what is. Yet I always discern somehow that there’s still something left unsought about. I always think that there’s a point in our lives when we follow our mind’s dreams instead of fulfilling what our hearts are yearning for. But there will come a time of reversion reserved for us to unravel and begin thinking what our lives real purpose is. We all have missions in this world, given to us by a higher being from the time we’re delivered out into this inconvenient truth. With all these accounts swirling in my head, I’m still left with nothing at the end of the day, a dark world at the end of the tunnel. In a couple of months I may take advantage of whatever chances come along my path and start standing on to my own two feet – work in a publishing company or worse comes to worse, work in a call center. If this is the way a battle to content has to be struggled, I’m counting myself in. Though it’s never that easy, I still cling on to fantasies of a hastened success to life so I may do what I really wanted since then.’

Now you may ask, why law school? Why burden my self reading law books 24/7, digest at least 30 cases a week, when I can just get away with all confusions in life, do what I like best, and sleep over fantasies? True, there is no denial of the fact that what was once I wrote is taken from my innermost entity which can only be answered with experience; a life which is a million miles away may just be the life I am halfway traveling. Life doesn’t always turn out to be our fantasies without making adequate efforts for us to live in it just like a law student flunking Political Law because he didn’t see writing case digests a prime commitment.

I still concur to my belief that life presents nothing but cliché yet attached now is the belief of doing and taking the responsibilities of the latter in the right way is somewhat the answer to the life I was questioning about. To study law is the life I chose to enter. And taking my responsibilities well is the way I am able to understand the meaning of my existence. Life is about responsibilities. Without responsibilities, existence has no purpose.

All that really matters now is making sure that the path we choose is the path worth the risk of taking. Committing and dealing with the consequences of such is one of the toughest circumstance any of us will ever have to go through. Dealing with the accountability is never easy. We just have to live the days as they are set out and not live in our fantasies even if it means just reading the preface of your favorite pocket book, well, just for the mean time.

"Biological Error"

2009-07-24T00:23:00.002+08:00

Some people say that if an individual is not so drawn to a member of the opposite sex, in biology, that’s some kind of error.

Others who hold similar views have supported this opinion. Well it may hold some kernel of truth. It may very well be true that biologically it’s an "error" if such a term has any real meaning for someone to be Homosexual. By pursuing an individual of the same sex, procreation becomes an impossibility. If the natural purpose of every organism is to procreate, that their offspring may also procreate indefinitely, then I have no argument. If it happens to be true, that the purpose of life is simply reproducing the old generation, then I cannot deny the fact of the statement that Homosexuality is some kind of “biological error”. I can present no argument that I genuinely believe, no objection that I sincerely hold in precision. That is, at least, if it is true, that life holds no purpose than creating offspring.

If we are to accept this morbid description of “biological error” of a possible meaning of life and if we accept it to be true that procreation is the only purpose, then we must also accept that a bond of love holds no purpose than this. In the case of affection, must we turn away from what our hearts tell us? Must we believe that our eyes are lying to us, and must we reason that since affection and kindness produce no children, they are some kind of “error"? And that everything we once knew to be life becomes sacrilege in this ideology?

In this case of “errors” in biology and in society, everything that creativity has spawned becomes heresy. Everything that an independent mind can create becomes taboo. And those things which make the heart soar with euphoria are condemned. Poetry becomes vanity, art becomes self-loathing, and music becomes irrelevant. Since they are incapable of producing more children, of increasing the population, they are unimportant. Can anyone be so brazenly cold to hear the serenity of music, to see the beauty of art, to feel the tranquil nature of poetry -- to understand the depth and meaning of expression, and to reply, "This is but an error in biology." What sort of human being can be so deaf to beauty, so blind to peace, so desensitized against the very things that bring purpose? I do not believe that a person can be so depraved. It is but natural to desire, to express our hearts, to speak our minds, to act as we like, so long as no others are hurt.

It may very well be true that Homosexuality can be called "a biological error". Because of this, we would have to regard every artistic expression, every gentle touch of affection, sympathy for pain, and empathy for life as "biological errors" as well. Whether this is true or not, I will not refrain from saying what I think, I will not hold back from what my heart feels. If I were to do this, I would be a traitor of thought, and a coward of love. Since it is in every man's own interest to be honest with himself, poetry becomes an avenue of expression, artwork becomes a release of emotion, music becomes the explosion of thought. They may very well not relate to the procreation of the species, but happiness and peace are themselves intrinsic values that we should never rest in seeking. To admit exhaustion to the forces of iniquity would be the ultimate surrender.

If a man finds it in his heart and mind that he is attracted to those of the same gender, then we should do nothing to prohibit this. If he can feel the same for a man the way he feels for a woman, then why is it that some refer to it as a profanity? It would be committing a disgrace to truth and justice if one were to call such a profanity. The emotions of peace and wholeness that take over our minds at the thought of affections, these are but the same emotions that a man can still have for a man, or a woman for a woman. No relationship can be condemned as a source of obscenity when the partners involved hold a genuine affection for each other. Perhaps the message I am trying to express is this - That sex and love are nothing to be ashamed of regardless of what we are told by our peers, our teachers, our families and communities. To condemn a man for choosing to love a man instead of a woman is no different than to condemn a man for choosing to express himself with poetry instead of art. It is but a preference, and no one suffers at the choice of either.

Liberty, justice, and peace may very well be the greatest standards we seek. To deny a man his right to express himself, to ban one sexual orientation or one form of art, is to commit a crime against liberty and justice. And we cannot think that this is any different than when a man is discriminated against for the opinions he harbors. To deny a man his right to sexuality is just as profane an action it is to deny a man his right to expression.

A man's sexuality does not destroy his natural attraction to goodness. That whatever a man does by himself alone, he may very well still hold charity and generosity in heart towards humanity because, he is himself, a Human. If you must know anything, know this - Those preferences or characteristics of a person are rarely intrinsically bad. And so long as a man's personal habits do not cause suffering or pain to others, it must be truly a sin to hold them up as a symbol of brutality, and to hold them down as a plague to this world.

Whatever people do to homosexuals because of their undeniable nature which harms none and whatever people do to these comrades of goodness, should understand that they are only razing the principles that will lead to a better world.
Whatever people inflict on someone because of a choice they made that causes no misery to others, they are only doing a disservice to the cause of humanity.

CHA CHA MY ASS

2009-06-12T12:58:00.000+08:00

Clearly, the Constitutional Committee wants the Filipino people do dance to the tune of the CHA CHA. But Filipinos must oppose this if all of the proposed changes that would remove the basic principles that would make the Philippines a better and more progressive democracy would remain according to their wishes- the wishes of the few. If the CHA CHA would push through, the Declaration of Principles and State Policies would be in its worst form, because it would fail to protect the rights of majority of the Filipino people; would fail to promote the common good, and would fail to promote the general welfare. Even the importance of the private sector and private enterprise would be absent, and the country becomes open to government monopoly. Furthermore, the Agrarian Reform Program, NGO’s and sectoral representations, all these would lose their significance as they have been deleted from the proposed Charter.

Discourse #1

2009-06-12T02:47:00.001+08:00

I just realized how mature we have become to our craft when Nonito and I had a little discourse over my facebook post “Kuya Ronnie”.

Nonito: maybe now, the reason why i am not completely happy would be because i've stopped doing what i'm really passionate about which is dancing and performing... there was a higher ecstacy when you perform not just for yourself but for GOD, for the people you represent through the dance but also for the audience. it was always in our prayer that through our dance we could uplift our nation’s culture and educate, revive or ignite the audience’s sleeping patriotism. I could say it was our very first real jobs. .. and now I soo miss it completely. … =’(

Aiken: hay as.in.. Dancing has never been the same to us when we entered Kahayag. it did become a new reality with much responsibility to education. The most difficult thing to do as a performing artist is the way you educate people through your craft. It takes real artists to do such thing. and it takes time to become one.. and I must say that I'm so proud we were able to do that nitz...

Nonito: actually we didn't just do it ken but we actually lived it... as in. hahays...

My Story

2009-05-29T15:49:00.001+08:00

I twist the clown's face so that it evolves into my happy face reflecting in the bathroom mirror. I hold authority over my creation. I sculpt friendships out of an ideal. I mold beauty from impossible dreams. I chisel acceptance from my imagination. I fool myself every day. My perpetual game misleads me. I am willing to be cheated into happiness. I'm happy because my story is believed. I will my smiling image to hold true. Every time I replay the image in my mind, its holes are filled in, its attached authenticity is stronger, and my faith in it is renewed.

But the mirror merely shows an unreliable reflection of myself. I have never seen me. I can only guess at who I am. The author of my story should be one who is uncluttered with self-pity, unmarked with greedy desires, cleansed of dependence, and has her feet planted firmly on the ground. I'm still trying to find my author, trying to peel away the fermented shelter that I'm crouching behind. I'm there, underneath the varnish, shouting for help to be rescued from the sugary syrup I've created from seeping in. I'm not going to pull me out, however. I've decided that digesting the sticky syrup will be good for me. The clown reminds me daily that my smile must be firmly stuck onto my face-it's part of the rules of the game. Therefore, I cannot tell you what my story is. I haven't hired anyone to write it yet.

...I'm not sure if I am prepared to bring my daydreams, illusions and visions to life. I'm scared that my imagined story won't be better than the story I threw out. If my creation fails, what will I have to keep me waking up and breathing? My images, ultimately, control me.

An attempt to poetry

2009-05-09T02:06:00.000+08:00

To A New Seson
By Aiken Emmanuel G. Quipot

The scorching heat of humid days
pierced through the city smug,
trapped into the hazy cloud of dust
from the rumblings of engines and tires
finally into my depths.
Of confusion, I let it in ironically.
After all, the tragic has to come
in one way or another
The rose’ cold, feebled by the strength of words -
departure.
Numb, soon it’ll rest eternally
Under the catacombs of my entity’s resent
Day by day it loses its grip
A petal is left however
Unless the warmth is over,
survival may have its chance
Yet the season still hasn’t howled its final rage
and the last cry would be forgotten.
The scorching heat of humid days
dwells a sweeping killer sound
for a moment now, but not tomorrow
in a day of drizzle –
that, to grow once more
and open another bud.

There's gotta be more to life

2009-05-01T03:33:00.003+08:00

As I face this empty screen outside my room in the midst of the exceptional haste of Bangkok under the moonless sky, I came to think about what’s there for me to do in this world. I was once in a swarm of people out there who didn’t have anything in mind aside from enjoying what life was dumping in to the hoard – family, friends, school, family, friends, school, and just that. Studying seriously wasn’t really my kind of thing way back high school school and college. It was more like just going to class than really studying. Was I obliged to have an ambition of some sort so as not to suffer this thing that gets me today? Was I supposed to really study and really get out from the scholastic world with flat As on my transcript and as what wanderers say, “graduate with flying colors”? Then what? At the end of the day it will all be the same. The real world presents nothing but cliché. Nurses will be nurses, med techs will be med techs, engineers will be engineers, journalists will be journalists, lawyers will be lawyers, and the list goes on from there and stops when nothing really comes along but call centers (why not?). A professional friend of mine once said, "My profession is my life, my calling, this is what i do to live and survive, and so to many others out there." Or is it? For years of peeping on other people’s lives in the real world, I question if life really has a deep meaning to take into account aided by the fact that a fresh graduate or any other person just have to take whatever jobs there is to survive? Is it true that life has no meaning after all aside from the barrage of meanings people put into it? – a work and a pay check bi-monthly, as for artists, show the world how art can move people’s outlooks, live the day like it’s the last for the adventurers? Maybe. Maybe this is what life is all about. If not, I don’t know what is. Yet I always discern somehow that there’s still something left unsought about. I always think that there’s a point in our lives when we follow our mind’s dreams instead of fulfilling what our hearts are yearning for. But there will come a time of reversion reserved for us to unravel and begin thinking what our lives real purpose is. We all have missions in this world, given to us by a higher being from the time we’re delivered out into this inconvenient truth. With all these accounts swirling in my head, I’m still left with nothing at the end of the day, a dark world at the end of the tunnel. In a couple of months I may take advantage of whatever chances come along my path and start standing on to my own two feet – work in a publishing company or worse comes to worse, work in a call center. If this is the way a battle to content has to be struggled, I’m counting myself in. Though it’s never that easy, I still cling on to fantasies of a hastened success to life so I may do what I really wanted since then.

I don’t wanna be just another person you know! I have a purpose! I have a purpose! And I don’t want anyone’s foot down my throat! Dammmnit! (joke time!)

What Distance Gives

2009-04-28T13:35:00.002+08:00

By Edith Lopez Tiempo

When you reach for me in that obscure
World where like ashes of the air
Your eyes and hands and voice batter
With a stark and ghostly urgency
The transparent doors of my closed lids,
I struggle to confine the precarious grace,
The force, the impulse of this fantasy;
Yes, I grieve. But in its sure
Wise way it is this grief that bids
The ghost to go.
This is the reality we stand to lose:
That the push of muscle strength
Is also the dear enfolding brute embrace
Of reason shocking all our length,
The loss is gain for the will to choose
The distance-given right to know.

An Answered Prayer

2009-04-25T18:16:00.002+08:00

Now you see I went to Laos to, what most nomads call “exit” from Bangkok and revert along with hundreds of travelers and trekkers from all over the world just to get a multiple-entry visa to Thailand. The 18-hour drive back and forth was reasonably worth the exertion and sore anticipation (hala rhyming) when we finally had our passports pasted with the visa. As to my attempt not to spoil my trip just sitting around and couching my self in the hotel room (which I commonly do when I’m in a hotel), I frantically went out and made friends with a bunch of travelers and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in a van with them on my way to a night bar with the assurance of me not being left behind and drive my self back to the hotel alone.

“So you’re staying in that hotel huh…”, asked Thomas Lekhal, a European exchange student.
“Yeah.. so do you right? With them?”
“Oh no.. we stay in a different hotel.”
“What do you mean stay in a different hotel? I always see u guys there”
“Yes.. we go there to eat. But we don’t stay there”
“Holy Cow! How am I gonna get back to that hotel?”

I didn’t even know the hotel’s unusual “Laoish” name or the address. From then on my hands were literally shaking. And with my occasionally foolish mind-set, I was making up pictures of my self being left behind and lost in Laos with no sufficient money to go back to Thailand. Being so desperately in search for answers, there was nothing else I could’ve done but pray. “God please get me home safely”. I realized now that I wouldn’t have gotten any satisfaction from that night out if I hadn’t just left my worries behind for a couple of hours coz there was just nothing else I could’ve done but pray. “Just enjoy the night and worry later.” So I did.

To make the long story short, I had fun with my crowd. The conversations were endless as we talked about our respective countries and what was there to see. Just right after two towers of beer, I realized that I had the agent’s number… so I called and what I got was “how could u be so dumb not to get the hotel’s card? I don’t know the hotel’s name either. I’m giving you the agency owner’s number. Call him.”

Gee!!! That was a burn!

“Hi Mr.. Thai guy (I forgot the name). Aiken here… (I had to make the English slowly and simple for him to understand hehehe). I’m one of your tourists in Laos. I’m out with some of my fellows and it so happened that we don’t stay in the same hotel and the bad news is that I’m just the only one here staying in the other hotel. I’m sure you know the names of the two hotels?

“What? Where are you?”

“In a bar.. I just wanna know the names of the two hotels. No need to worry.”
And so I thought.

“Thai Lampon. And I forgot the other one.”

And before I could say “thank you”, he hanged up.

What the?? Ok. Thai Lampon. I straight away rushed to the circle and asked if they were staying in Thai Lampon. Coz if they were, there’s no one I could’ve ever thought to ask for a hotel’s name which I didn’t even know if it still existed at that point in time. It was no where to be found.

“No.. we don’t stay there.. that’s probably your hotel.”

Thank God! My prayer was just answered. Chances are that Mr Agent could’ve remembered the other hotel and not mine. God was just too good. And Just to make sure that it was the right name, I went down and asked the bar attendant if he knew such place. He didn’t.

“Wait, I’ll ask a taxi if he knows”, he said.

So I waited.

“Hmmm… there’s no Thai Lampon here”

“But that’s where I’m staying.”

“Wait, maybe you mean Khai Lamphon.”

And he pointed to a direction, a long road which i unworriedly thought led to my hotel. i was kinda positive.

“Ok. Thank you very much…”

I went up to join the group again. The drinking session turned into a night club dancing party. Anyhoo, after couple of hours, we packed up all our conversations up and called it a night and bid everyone goodbye.

I went up to the bar attendant again and asked if he could call a taxi for me.

“I can take you there if you want.”

“Really? You’ll that?”

“Oh sure. Just making sure tourists in Laos get home safe.”

He took me home on his motorbike and I couldn’t have asked for anything like it. Seeing Loas at night on a motorbike was more than a consolation.

“Oh God! How could I thank you?”

A Credit To Sadness

2009-04-23T19:57:00.001+08:00

Sadness has overcome us all. Either caused by a relative or close friend's death or from someone who broke our hearts. We all handle situations differently, some good, some bad. But what makes us who we are is not defined by our times of happiness, but by our times of sadness.

untitled

2009-04-21T17:02:00.001+08:00

Breaking up with someone you care about is one of the toughest decisions any of us will ever have to go through. Dealing with the pain and heart break is never easy. We just have to live the days as they are set out and not live in the past.

bittersweet life

2009-04-21T14:53:00.001+08:00

For wherever the sun rises and sets, in the city's turmoil or under the open sky on the farm, life is much the same; sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet.

of losing the people we love

2009-04-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

We can dwell on what was, or we can talk about what is. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in losing the people I love, it would probably be this - All that really matters is making sure that the people we love know that we love them.

butterflies

2009-04-11T15:53:00.000+08:00

When it comes to relationships, maybe we are all in glass houses and shouldn’t wear stones. Because u can never really know… some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less… than butterflies.

who needs a date?

2009-04-06T17:52:00.000+08:00

I used to think those people who sat alone at starbucks writing on their laptops were portentous posers. Now, I know. They are people who have recently moved in with and out from someone. As I looked around, I wondered how many of them were mid-fight like my self. The hardest thing about fighting in relationships as supposed to any streets around the world – No referee. There’s no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to go to your separate corners. This is the time were I decided to just sit back and think about EVERYTHING and I realized that my life is meant for me and not for anyone else. No one’s meant to be alone in this world… it’s the perfect place to be single… this world is our date. And as I was scanning all the faces I thought who needs a date? I can have my cake and eat it too, and my frap and drink it too.

wahehehe

2009-04-04T15:55:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks and way too much thoughts later, I have entered an interesting chapter of my life – I have outgrown the people of my past and not quite grown into the people of my future. Why is it in a world of billion men you always see the one you don’t want and never see the one you… oh wait… as I move away, I had a thought – maybe some people are traps… sometimes they bring you down.. and sometimes, right now, they get u soo high. Damn! It would’ve been so cool if I hadn’t looked back.

i know this is stupid but...

2009-03-31T17:00:00.001+08:00

love exists to give you pain. happiness happens along the way,, like a foundation of some sort for the pain you'll gonna get right after...it's just like living to die. we all live to die. that's what we live for. just like love. we love to get hurt... or... we love and get hurt.

shit happens

2009-03-31T13:25:00.003+08:00

shit happens... especially when traitors come along the way. well, i might aswell agree to what most people say - love really isn't enough... tsk tsk. just sad.

a repost for verna

2009-03-30T21:05:00.002+08:00

coz verna's ranting about how aging gets too tough, lemme just repost my version of it. hahaha

here's verna's post.. ai, belated happy birthday to claudine! i mishuuu so much.

verna's:

"Happy Birthday Claudine!"

Dirgy asked me yesterday if it was Claudine's birthday today, and I told him yes and that she's turning 24.

"Eeew. Too old!" ang reply sa buang na Dirgy.

I laughed, then I realized all of us are going to follow suit. 24 does sound old. (Oops! Sorry Bam. Hehe.) I texted Mich about it, and she also felt the same. The two of us are going to be 24 come December, and even if it's still months away - I know it's inevitable. I will be 24 this year! Then come 25, then 26, and the next thing you know - you're out of the calendar. Is this why older people make a fuss about the calendar? I'm starting to feel that I'll soon be doing the same.

Aging (I hate the word) seems to come naturally these days. I can still remember the moments when I wanted to grow up so fast. It's just funny, because now I'm starting to feel the need to hit the pause button somewhere. I don't know how though, but I just want to.

This is such a depressing birthday post for a friend. Just mind the big green letters, consider the succeeding words trash. Huh! Yey! Haha.

mine:

It all begins with the famous phrase, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" As children, we think the words "growing up" mean becoming like mom and dad. It means having a job, being able to cook dinner, and knowing how to pay bills. We are too young to understand the real concept behind those two dreadful words. If only someone had told me the truth, I could have prepared for the shock. I hate growing up, and getting older really stinks.

The phases of growing up are like a date gone wrong. They start off real nice and eventually smack you in the face. I remember back in kindergarten when there used to be nap time. Oh how I took it for granted! I'm not even sure if I know what the word "sleep" means now. And if school couldn't get more difficult over the years, someone came along and decided we needed to learn languages other than English. As if my English wasn't bad enough, now I have to learn how to speak in gibberish.

Growing up causes the "unthinkable" to happen. When I was little, I really should have taken advantage of pure skin, no wrinkles, and the phrase "eat your vegetables." Now, I have to use Clearasil, undereye cream, and drink Fit n’ Right! What could possibly be good about becoming old, fat, ugly, and bald? I used to have energy, but now I have to drink all sorts of energy drink to wake myself up. It used to be that when I went to get my hair cut, my stylist would say, "Look how shiny and thick your hair is." Now I hear, "Okay, what should we try today to give your hair some volume?" Not to mention that the women have the privilege of losing their figures, becoming less attractive, and receiving lumps of cellulite in their backside. That's when they must say, "Goodbye bikinis!"

Growing up brings more responsibilities. It used to be that my mom would come in my room every morning and say, "Time to get up!" Now I wake up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock going "beep, beep," and my mom in the next room sawing logs. Just when I thought this was bad, it never occurred to me that at the age of 21 I would eventually have to get something called a "job". Weren't mom and dad supposed to take care of me forever? Soon, I would have to make sure I have money to put gas in my motorbike, make a motorbike registration payment, pay a cell phone pre-paid card, and have at least a hundred buck left over for the ninety-nine menu at Jolibee. All of these doesn't include the additional expenses of "stuff I want to buy" like CDs, clothes, and shoes at the mall. Someone also failed to mention that as I got older the prices would rise and an apartment could be as high as ten thousand pesos a month (Thank goodness I still live at home!).

Growing up leaves no time for fun. I remember being eleven years old and going to Playground parks or the movies every weekend. Sometimes my friends and I would even get bored because we had nothingto do. That isn't the case anymore. My weekends are now spent looking at the walls of my bedroom. My days of "cruising" on my hometown streets at the age of sixteen have also vanished. I'm lucky now just to drive down that road on my way home from college!

Children never really think about the future because it seems so far away. They figure that they will be young forever. I think there are a lot of us who never grow up. Sure we get older in appearance and become forgetful, but inside we are still little kids. Although I can't stop the aging process or drink from the fountain of youth, I will always hate growing up. It's one of the reasons why I've decided to do what I've always said I would. I plan to move to Never Never Land and live with Peter Pan.

Im just Glad

2009-03-30T13:52:00.002+08:00

- because it's cloudy today wahehehe (for the past weeks it's been soo really hot and i'm soo not liking it) and i wouldn't have to ran over street vendors on my way to the gym later...
- coz i always feel like updating my blog now.
- coz Thailand is cheap. I mean don't get me wrong... cheap as in the food is cheap,clothes are cheap, taxi's cheap, train's much cheaper... see?? really cheap.
- coz Yassi was here last week
- coz Maya’s coming over any time this week… Looking forward for another night of cocktails.

That’s it. I’m just glad.

All by my self

2009-03-29T19:07:00.001+08:00

Today I woke up feeling much better than the last couple of days when I was less sober about the idea of kinda “leaving” my comfort zone. Maybe it’s because I’m getting pretty comfortable to where I am now. Yesterday, after receiving a call from Yassi for a “happy hour” afternoon, I went downtown (Siam) Bangkok by my self for the first time…. But then again I had to call my sister almost every minute to ask for directions. First move was a 20-minute cab drive from where I’m staying to Mo Chit sky train station, a one-way ticket to Siam then was off to meet Yassi at the Paragon (which most Thai’s claim to be the biggest mall in asia. I couldn’t care less since it was obviously just a fraction of our very own Mall of Asia. Haha). I arrived an hour early from our deal so I went around to check what’s the “biggest mall in asia” had to offer for my super duper limited budget. There was none. I mean none… nothing that fits in my bucket list. Gucci? Versace? Jimmy Choo? DKNY? What the heck are those? High-end brands with high-end prices? Puhleeaasseee (char. Maskin wa juy kwarta). After exhausting my eyes on the values, I went straight to Starbucks for a raspberry frap and a bun, read a couple wrong grammar-flooded newspaper articles haha and Yassi arrived right after I finished poring over the articles. We talked a bit, gave updates of our going-ons, and ate at a thai restaurant.

Here’s what happened after:
- window shopping at the mall
- went out to look around the street market
- went to phat pong for a cocktail
- bid fairwell na to Yassi
- back to the train station (phat pong to siam, then siam to mo chit)
- subway from mo chit to Phaloyothin
- took a cab from phaloyothin station back to the house

it was exhausting but then again I enjoyed the experience commuting alone in Bangkok. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….

Watch us!

2009-03-08T17:53:00.002+08:00

the hardest part

2009-01-22T13:57:00.000+08:00

The hardest of loving a friend is when you lose him/her and everyone in the circle starts asking about what happened.

I'm sorry. I really am.

2009-01-21T01:32:00.006+08:00

I'm really sorry for being so selfish. but i really need to find my self first and see my self as a whole again. For the past months i've been so lost and unaided, i can't even recall a time where i paused a while to ask my self how life was treating me. It was all about you. everyday. it was so unhealthy and it got me to a point where I became frightened that i might totally lose my self.

I'm torturing my whole being with this move. I know i'm gonna have sleepless nights, eternal weeping, dreadful hours... etc... but i'm willing to face those life-threatening perils (if this is what it takes) not because i have to, but because i need to. again, I'm lost. and i don't wanna be like this forever. I need to embrace life again because for the past months that we've been together, i was clouded by my feelings - for what i've been doing was all for you and nothing for my self. 'twas like i didn't have respect for my self anymore. Now I think I badly need to stand up on my own, bring back the real Aiken, and learn to love and respect my self first before i can totally lay down on love again.

The thing here is I'm doing this now coz I know that if i'm gonna wait for tomorrow, next week, or next month, i would break down and a bigger problem might arise between the both of us.

I'm sorry. I really am. Because I'm being so selfish and you don't deserve this. but then again, i have to save and take care of my self now. I love you and I'm sorry. I know that it would be very difficult for you to forgive me... but i'm clinging on hope. coz HOPE is all that there is now. who knows, five or ten years from now, we'll gonna bump into each other, look back at this time, and be able to laugh about it.

I love u and I'm sorry.

"Ok ra na"

2009-01-11T14:54:00.000+08:00

Last night, a friend asked me (through txt) to talk about LOVE. Though I’m also in an emotional turmoil, I couldn’t just let her fall into the blackhole of misery (where I’m about to plunge in to) so I was like “belch it all out”.

B – What is love?

Aiken – Love is the greatest feeling in the universe! (Just to lighten up her feeling)

B – Wala pa ka na inlove or na hurt sa?

Aiken – of course I have. It’s just that Love’s supposed to be like that. diba?

B – before yes. But now I’m having second thoughts.

Aiken – ok. So what’s wrong? tell me.

B – there’s this person that I really love. But he’s really really difficult to deal with. I mean he says that he loves me but his actions are just the total opposite. And for me, action speaks louder than words.

Aiken – so why are you holding on to that person kung dili man diay genuine iyang love?

B – it’s not that dili genuine iyang love. I think he has his own concept of loving.

Aiken – so if his concept of love is hurting you, will you still fight for what you feel? Butol lagi ka?

B – But what if I really love him this much? Isn’t love enough?

Aiken – Love will never be enough if you’re not happy anymore. If it’s hurting you, there’s no reason to stay even if you feel so much love for him. “love hurts” – I beg to disagree. I say, “Infatuation hurts” hahaha so don’t worry, maybe that’s not love after all.

B – what will I do?

Aiken – Leave!! You know that? the heart can sometimes be so deceitful. It’ll just give you false pleasure. But remember, the mind has control over everything. And remember that you have the power to tell your heart what to do.

B - grabe man gud ken. We’ve been together through thick and thin. Wahhhh wala nako kabalo ken. Ambot ambot. Feshteh man ni oi.

Aiken – through thick and thin? You know what I think? He’s confused. And you don’t deserve to be treated like a victim of an “animal testing” of some sorts. Maybe he’s inlove with you but at the same time, he can’t avoid hurting you. And that’s not fair. So leave! He needs medical attention.

B – yeah you’re ryt but It’s not that easy to leave ken. And I don’t know what to do… I cry all the time. karun I’m crying na.

Aiken – who the hell said it would be easy? I tell you, it would be super hard and sometimes you’ll gonna think about killing your self. And hey, dili pud easy ng you’re clinging sa walay klaro na relationship. Trust me. it would be better for u to leave him.

B – I’m trying. Everyday. But I just could not do it. everyday siya nalang pirmi.

Aiken – you know what u do? Pray. It works. Well,, sometimes. Joke hehehe

B – mamatay nako ken. Sigi ra ko pray but nothing’s happening.

Aiken – everything happens for a damn reason! Be optimistic. God will never give you more than what you can carry.

B – I sometimes question God about this ken. Why is he doing all these to me? I’ve been a good person and I don’t deserve this punishment. I can’t carry this anymore.

Aiken – if that’s the case, the all u hv to do is surrender it all down to him. I’m sure God has incredible plans for u. it may be this harsh but I’m pretty sure that It’l bring out sumthin positive in the end.

Aiken – and remember, though we naturally enjoy laughter more than tears, we would have to accept that most of the wisdom we’ve gained along the way, we owe them to the sad times.. so cheer up.

B – thank you very much ken. I’m pondering on your words.

Aiken – don’t worry _____. Everything will eventually fall into their right places. Soon. ok ra na.

home sick

2008-12-27T16:50:00.004+08:00

I'm in Makati and I'm home sick.
wanted to go home before the year ends but airline tickets are exasperatingly expensive this season. so i would have to wait till january 2 before i could smell the fresh air of Dumaguete again.
I miss home.

updates in BISDAK

2008-12-21T02:32:00.007+08:00

to the bbums, sowee haven't have had updates about my life.. hehehe... and i can't think of anything to write about as of this time. basta i'm happy. char. And o, i'm glad that i've talked to you guys over the phone... Thanks mich!!! (my first time to hear the drunk mich talk. hahaha) happy birthday to jayc. bbums,,,, i sooo damn miss u! dapat ma dayon ang bora kay if dili, na! mag wild jud ko. hehehe. verns, you're the greatest comentator! slamat. saja ra ang single life noh?? haha. i was soo happy to hear your voices over the phone... as-in.. nothing's changed jud. haha. ren-ren's still the same old ren-ren. and yot, work na! bantay kas imong mama! si jello ga emote pud (mara, si jello ba, mahilig sa casual sex) was about to do it a couple of weeks ago but mara said that if i tried it once, there's no stopping that i'm gonna do it repeatedly. hehehe. so wala nalang. jel, ikaw? hahahaha. mingaw pud kong aling angel, aling mara nanaman.... aling mara, thanks for your comment in one of my posts... and indai's wedding? congratulations to indai... but bbums, what u think?..... mwuah! love u guys!

updates... be spending xmas in manila.. on the 26th ill be off to baguio. then 28 back to manila... i still don't know when I'm gonna be back home. but i hope i could still catch jello around dumaguete when i get back... i miss our long conversations over bottles of beer. hehe. miss u jel!

mich! o! naka update nako! hehehehehe mwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuahhhh

Sacrifice

2008-11-10T04:38:00.013+08:00

My new song... "Sacrifice"

Prologue:
I come home
I come home
Coz I have to let you fly
Let you fly baby… let you fly...

Chorus I:
Though there aint no life for me
When we go our separate ways
But there aint no life for me
If I will hold on to this phase
Baby…

So where would I go?
I ask my self.
When would my tears stop to flow?
Will it run dry?
Take my hands off from yours
Is what my mind’s tellin me so
Coz…

There aint no life for me
If I will hold on to this phase.
sacrifice.
Though there aint no life for me
When we go our separate ways
Baby…

Let me hold you for the last time
Hand by hand to feel “us” now
Embrace you for one last time, baby,
Heart to heart please feel me now
But…

There aint no life for me
If I will hold on to this phase.
Sacrifice
Though there aint no life for me
When we go our separate ways
Baby…

Bridge:
I know
It’ll take a while to see the beauty of letting go
And I know
I'll be counting teardrops but I won't show
Just let me cry
Coz…

There aint no life for me
If I will hold on to this phase.
Sacrifice
Though there aint no life for me
When we go our separate ways
Baby…

I would have to sacrifice...
and Let you fly.

With Cherry on Top

2008-11-03T18:12:00.002+08:00

With Cherry on Top was the original name of my blog. it just so happened that i changed it to invonvenient reality for no reasons. but now it's back. and i'm liking it.

With Cherry on Top - taken from Mara's "draft beer with cherry on top"... at coco amigos. Somehow this new header makes me feel being with the bums everytime i see it. hehehe.

Kudos!!!

2008-11-01T06:00:00.003+08:00

Lemme thank Verna Villanueva and Bea Torres for everything!!!! You guys surely know how to work things all out. I'm so grateful i have you both as friends. Kudos!! thanks! thanks! thanks! mwuah!

ga sirit

2008-10-24T05:52:00.003+08:00

- Pathetic. 6 a.m. and I intentionally forced my self to stay awake up to this very hour.
- Arrived home at 4 after spending the entire night at the Buglasan
- Couldn't get the "Amityville murders" story out of my mind
- Haven't hit the gym for a couple of weeks now (I promise to be back on Saturday or as soon as my amino2222 arrives)
- My father just left for states, mother's goin to NY on Nov. 2
- Preparin to be home alone for six months
- Shit! where would i spend xmas?
- hmmmm... be buyin a pair of pants next week
- My cousin is.... disturbed? or dumb? desperate? depressed? for 22 years now?
- Plannin to wake up at 3 later
- Blog hoppin - mich's, verna's, sir ian's... the others seemed so bc to update
- Be back on oil painting again... next week.
- Cheapest meal i've had... ever - a 20-peso dinner last night with linwel and boen. Linwe's was Php 10. hahahaha
- What happened to "Iisa Pa Lamang"? can anyone tell me?
- Was starin at my painting for a sec...
- Decided not to go to law school.
- Work... umm.... next year? June? July? I don't know.
- My father brought this scary white mad puppy to our house a couple of days ago... really scary. wait, can dogs commit suicide? if they can't, i might as well have "whitey" murdered next week... I'm crossing my fingers... haha
- Or maybe not
- I have a bad eating habbit. do i? yeah i do. tsk
- Rabbit. had a couple before. the girl died after being sexually abused. the guy died a week later. girl and guy jud diba? hehe
- Hamster. had a couple before pud. They both had their taste of the spinning wheel and decided to escape.
- fish. Still have em now.
- My german sheppered died, then got another, died. got a black puddle named Mars...died. Punch, my mini pinscher died of distemper (how do u spell that?)... and now a white crazy puppy? Nice!
- I'm seing the sun rise again. wahhhhh
- I think I'm sleepy
- Good morning!

When we think life sucks...

2008-10-20T01:03:00.003+08:00

I was blog hopping this afternoon and came across a friends’ blog post talking about how doomed she is to unhappiness… I couldn’t help but wonder - does everyone always feel and think this way?

There is no denying that every so often we are so busy asking ourselves how destined we are to misery. In such case, haven't we for a single moment tried waking up on the right side of the bed? Is the world a big load for us to carry that we oftentimes forget about reality and how naturally inconvenient it is? Are we too preoccupied convincing the world how we take ourselves too seriously to care about what we put on our backs and how exhausting it gets?

I’ve been asking my self about these thoughts every time I feel like the whole lot’s against my favor.

But there’s only one answer to that. The answer is - life. Coz if it wasn’t that way, we wouldn’t be living in a life after all. Life presents a bigger challenge for us to conquer, problems to cope, happiness to share with others and real friendships that help us to get through it all. It’s just the way it is.

Life is just too complex for us to dissect. The secret ingredient to life is to live. We all have good lives… The problem is that sometimes we just don’t have time to live it.

Remember that full joy happens at the end when we reach the level of gratification. We all should just live and be optimistic in everything that’s been happening to our existence. May it be good or undesirable, nothing lands down in wrong endings.

Why can't i be dumb?

2008-10-18T22:29:00.004+08:00

why can't i be dumb??? True, there is no denying this inconvenient reality. Aided by a certainty that no matter how hard i try not to say anything about a certain issue, things still wont cease haunting and wobbling my head. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... How i envy those people who does nothing besides worying what clothes to wear on friday nights.

Torrid Kisses for Dire Moments = EVIL?

2008-10-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

Nothing. That was just it - Torrid kisses for dire moments. It’s not an incongruity as so many are saying but an extension of what the young minds, including my self, have to discharge. Each step I took in life hasn’t been made up without the consent of my principles. I offered my soul in the struggle against the doubtful look of the people around me. Because of this, I used to have the tightest self ratification. To reject and refute my not-so-easily-made identity by dispatching obnoxious behavioral manner is synonymous to stepping on that effort. Or so I thought.

Just last night, I gave it all for a heck of the game. Four sets of lips, four slick tongues in one occasion, held together from Cratus’ and Aphrodite’s caches. But it must be understood. I’m in a world where no one can label anybody without constantly getting off beams. True, what happened that night is not so bodingly evil as so many claim.

My principles or self principles in general, aren’t bound by any behavior, time, occasion, place, and the like. I belch out all my inhibitions with no hesitations, do all things bad and good, but still remain essentially who I am. It’s not about our actions, nor isn’t about what people are saying about it. It’s about our personal growth, committing mistakes, learning, appreciating, or simply embracing the whole thing called life. Because this is, after all, a life.

Torrid kisses for dire moments = Evil? Neahhhh. Not true.

Between Love and Insanity

2008-10-10T00:44:00.009+08:00

Does loving someone mean saying her/his name 50 times a day more than you say your own? Does it mean worrying about her/him and her/his knees before you and yours? Is it all about the other person? Is that love? - No it isn't! it's what i call insanity.

When two people love each other, but they just cant seem to be together, one should have the wise guts to realize on a certain point when enough is enough. Fairy tales no longer exist nowadays... gnome tales do though. - Does it make any sense? I bet it does.

Just this week two of my friends have been txting me lamenting about how love has been treating them lately.... apparently, i began to notice along the way that i could never be of help to anyone who isn't even willing to take in what i have to say. Most especially to people who are just head over hills over someone.

So i leave them with this thought (rephrased from Angel's brilliance), There is an acceptable time to endure pain for love and there is a point at which it's simply a waste of time.

"Nailin Palin"

2008-10-08T01:03:00.003+08:00

I read her name on the papers... blogs...., see her face on TV almost everyday, hear people talkin bout her everywhere... But i just cant seem to get enough of Sarah Palin. wahahahahaahahaha!!!! this is no joke. I soo love her... not the i-want-her-to-win love.. but somewhat like she-makes-me-lough-all-the-time love. and you wouldn't believe what she said on TV - "I was annoyed by the questions of Couric..." OH YEAH?! SO AS 50% OF AMERICA! "...She could've asked about what a vice president stands for." hahahaha! don't u just love that?

Now have you guys heard about the porn movie "Nailin Palin"? It'll be released soon and I sure havta getta freakin copy... and i'll be over her after that.wahahahahahahaha

To the Brilliant Bums

2008-10-08T00:55:00.004+08:00

Check Xander's blog ya'll!!! -
you can check mara's too coz she had xander's post reposted -

scroll

2008-10-07T02:47:00.004+08:00

28-6-08
2:27 a.m.

The truth of yesterday becomes a lie tomorrow,
whereas letters are fixed,
and we live by the letter of truth.
The love I feel for a friend, this year,
is different from the love i felt last year.
If it were not so,
it would be a lie.
Yet we reiterate LOVE LOVE LOVE!
as if it were a coin with a fixed value
instead of a flower that dies,
and opens a different bud.

25-6-08
2:15 a.m.

Were you close?
Im asked,
as if grief would sting less deeply.
Were we friends as well as brothers?
Further apart,
two men could never meet...
though blood bends...
through arteries and veins,
summoned into presence by his pleasure.
On that i could have grown more SLOWLY -
remembering being held,
and cradled like treasure.

Slow dance...

Heaven? Where?

2008-10-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

A wind blew over the meadow, bending a lone sapling almost to the ground. But it sprang back. It sprang back. It reached towards the hiding sun even though a branch had been torn off, leaves had flown away, and the wind would come again. The brown grass had sunk into the mud of previous rains. But alas, one more storm would come. One more cloud crept up upon the land. One more time the ashen sky would break and fall and drown out all that was left - except the hope, the love, the sun in her eyes, except for her will to forgive and rise above the gale.

Where is heaven? In a similar question, where is hell? From where does our desire to be at peace come from? However you feel at any particular moment is a product of your own making. We will all end up in the same place, but what that place will be to us is dependent on how we live our lives. God forgives, and if we too forgive and succumb to love, we will be in heaven. If we are guilt ridden, well, I suppose we shall do time in purgatory. And all of us with hate in our hearts will burn forever in the pits of our own damnation. While on this earth we are allowed to give these places a go. We are allowed a taste of all that is above, and, I suppose, below as well. We are given a chance to decide our fates. I won't tell you which to choose. It's up to you.

Of Sleeping at 6 #2

2008-09-27T14:15:00.004+08:00

After months of being soo crabby about my body clock, I've finally found something that could actually....

ummm.. uhhmmm... this is like... to lighten up my days every time I wake up under the shadows of my window drapes... rushing to the CR and ransacking the pages of the dreamers dictionary has already been a daily ritual of some sorts to me.

Ohh yes.... I'm talking about dreams... and the nice thing about mine is, I could always remember every single detail, all it's elements, features, and facets... chaks! hahaha... I mean... for real.. not every one has this kind of power. some people don't even remember they've ever dreamed of certain something on a certain night... to think that we actually dream every single time we close our eyes and every single time our sense of hearing halts, it's just.... but.... making me proud of possessing such rare and exceptional power. haha.. and umm i think i got this power when I started sleeping at 6. hahahahaha

Anyways, I'm just quite glad that most of my dreams mean somethin possitive, sooo encouraging that they alwayyysss allwwaaayyyssss make my day. ahahahaha. Mao na ni run! na buang na.

So!!! so here are some of the things that i frequently dream about.. ummm.. with their respective meanings. What do my dreams really say??

1. Dogs - dogs in a dream are a good omen and symbolize friends. A dog in a dream signifies pleasure and happy times with friends.

2. Corpse - a dream of contrary in that it predicts a full happy life if the corpse was that of a stranger. If you dream involved a number of corpses but withought any particularly distressing aspect, it is a forecast of success where you least expect it.

3. Spiders - spiders in a dream are a sign of general good luck. to kill one signifies good news. if it was spinning it augurs approaching money. climbing a wall it's a harbinger of success in all that concerns you most deeply.

4. Bus - traveling by bus indicates progress toward your hearts desire. waiting for a bus signifies setbacks which will be temporary.

5. America - To dream of going to, or being in, or observing America on a map is an omen of great happiness through family unity. unless of course, you area an american or live in america, in which case the national aspects of the dream have no significance and only the other details should be considered.

6. dream within a dream - a dream within a dream portends a deferment of some hopes but nevertheless a definite improvement in your present circumstances.

Seee!!!??? See!!??? It's like what Patricia Evangelista said, "...seing snow outside my window and freckles across my nose." hahahaha

Now I think i'm becoming more eager to sleep early and dream dreams... more dreams. :) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 :)

Of sleeping at 6

2008-09-22T22:36:00.003+08:00

Bumming around may seem like a good thing to do while "crossing over" from graduation.... (purag patay hehehe) untill that time comes when your bedtime falls at 6 in the morning and no matter how hard you try to sleep earlier than that, it just doesn't work at all.

I've tried everything except anxiety pills (which was my first option of remedy, "loser's pill" my sister called it - hmmm.. whatever.. i haven't taken one.. so as to avoid being called a loser. hahaha... pathetic.) - pitchers of milk, tequilla shots, rhum shots, whiskey shots, and the banging of the head on to a wall.... they all gave me a single thing - headache.

So what's the solution?

my sister said that it's all psychological (which I agree) coz I'm not used of doing nothing. I'm pretty much active and had so much to do, had so much responsibilities, so little time in a day, and now i'm faced with an empty schedule, and a whole lotta DAY!!!! I have nothing to sleep early for, nothing to wake up early for... absolutely nothing!

"Get a job", my friends keep tellin me. and for the nth time, yes. I'm looking for a job in the world of arts... uhuh... the arts only. and that's why it's kinda hard landing into one.. and the race of artists to that dream job is pretty much... hard.

So what am I doing?

Nothing... really. "When will u stand up and start your life?" again, my sister asked. and the answer... to be honest, I don't exactly know. I mean i'm applying for companies and doing all those crap.. but then again, not one in my interest at all.

So what do I really want to do?

A lot! But i just don't have the avenue to do them at this point in time.

So?

Soooo... I'll be bummin around till I get a chance to do what I want to do. But now i think I'm doomed to sleep at 6 am everyday.